The Shut Door

The Shut Door – non fiction

Not so long ago, late October of 2015, in an extremity of exhaustion, … physical and emotional, my little car’s gas gauge even said empty, I went to a close relative’s home to ask to rest there for the night. Before I could ask for help, I was harshly turned away. My loved ones answered the door and yelled at me “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??? ARE YOU CRAZY???!!!” This was at 8:00 PM.

I sat for a while, looking at the locked house, trying to collect my destroyed self back into my exhausted body from where I had shattered in a silent explosion of despair and grief. I didn’t understand what had happened.

It is true I did not follow proper social protocol and telephone several days ahead to ask if it was OK for me to stop by at a particular time on a prearranged evening. However, the circumstances, that brought me there, had made that courtesy completely impossible. But they didn’t know that. I took some time trying to figure out what had triggered such an extreme negative reaction to my own terrible need, and my joyous happiness, at seeing family after a prolonged (and for me, terribly trying) absence.

I had some water, which I drank. The purity of the mountain well water restored me physically. I am grateful. The personal heartbreak of the shut door has never left me.

My gas tank was empty, but I still had enough money for fuel, so I went to get it, before I continued my journey.

I stopped at a convenience store with poor exterior lighting and the parking lot was surrounded by heavy shrubbery. The clerk was a woman working alone in a “convenience” store. She asked me to stay with her a while, as it was night, well after dark, and she was alone and afraid of some persons hanging around at the edge of the parking lot. I also had noticed them while gassing up.

After the persons had gone. I stayed with her until she expressed relief, and acted, with her body language, as if she felt strong and safe again. She had also made arrangements for some nearby friends to phone her regularly.

Was this event the REAL reason that I was turned away?

Bear — 31December2019
ⓒBearspawprint2019

Old Woman Old Woman

Old Woman Old Woman
Why do you wander alone in the forest?
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Dear Child Dear Child
I am not all alone in these woods.
The forests are filled with dreams and memories
That I have cast away and tried too hard to forget.
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Old Woman Old Woman
Why do you wander alone in the forest?
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Dear Child Dear Child
I am gathering back into my heart the
Flowing beauty songs of dead lovers and the
Blooming new growth of cast away dreams and pain.
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Old Woman Old Woman
Why do you wander alone in the forest?
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Dear Child Dear Child
My wandering is my dance, my own memory dance,
Through forests of trouble and learning and work.
I am dancing through the veiled mists of time.
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Old Woman Old Woman
Why do you wander alone in the forest?
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Dear Child Dear Child
I am gathering together the music of
Thrown away dreams and lost love songs,
I am dancing in the joy of remembrance and loss.
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Old Woman Old Woman
Why do you wander alone in the forest?
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Dear Child Dear Child
Leave me now, please go. You cannot wander
Here, where my remembered life is too thorny.
I must gather my own lost song back together, dancing alone.
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Old Woman Old Woman
Why do you wander alone in the forest?
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Dear Child Dear Child
Go, sing of your new life and struggles. Sing
With hope in your heart and litter the woods not with dreams.
Leave me. I must dance, weeping alone in the forest.
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Old Woman Old Woman
Why do you wander alone in the forest?
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Bear … 04.13.2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint2014

Gaslighting 💔 Difficult Questions

Gaslighting
Difficult Questions –“Asking for a friend” — doing some research for a story
💔

1. Can persons who, in their personal relationships, habitually, and with great cleverness, and feigned reasonableness “gaslight” EVER sincerely apologize and express true remorse?

2. Can charming and accomplished persons, who habitually “gaslight” in personal relationships, EVER, be trustworthy in personal relationships?

3. Can persons who chronically “gaslight” EVER acknowledge to themselves, or anyone else, what they are doing?

4. Is it possible for persons, who are comfortable with “gaslighting”, to resolve, with TRUE INTENT, to change their behavior patterns?

5. Can persons who “gaslight” EVER even WANT to change behavior?
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Is there ANYTHING within a personal relationship that can curtail “gaslighting” or mitigate the damage?

Are any of the following feasible?
a. Choose neutral circumstances and talk, in an educational way, about gaslighting and consequences.
b. Whenever one becomes aware that gaslighting and/or deception is happening, call out the gaslighter.
c. Negotiate.
e. Seek professional counseling.
f. Give up and part ways, as much as possible.

________________________________________________

Is there anyway to make GASLIGHTING not be, at all, rewarding to the gaslighter?
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Most sources available, via the internet, suggest that {f. Give up and part ways, as much as possible.} is the only healthy scenario.

05/14/2019
Sharon Rudd
©Bearspawprint 2019

Wailing Sand

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I hear Wind
She gives
Voice to sand
Wailing mantra
Sparking current
Friction sowing
All ancestors
Weeping in
Blowing sand
Guabancex
Singing wild
Calls Huracan
Merging
Spiral song
Guatauva
New joy
Wind sings
Her prayer
An ecstasy
Cleansing
With gratitude
The pure
Coatrischie
Self Offering
Washes tears
Prayer restored
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Agawela…09.07.2017
ⓒBearspawprint2017

LETTER OF WARNING AND GRATITUDE FROM AGAWELA

LETTER OF WARNING AND GRATITUDE FROM AGAWELA

Dear Ones,

I am told that some Indigenous medicine people think we, as a whole, are not in Tribulation. We are in a period of Transition.
______________________________________________________________________________

I have found that change itself is not painful, it is the resistance to change that causes conflict. Especially if those others do not understand what is necessary and are fighting conscious evolution.

Doing without a bad habit is not what is painful, it is the clinging, even addiction, to the bad habit that hurts. Individuals, groups, even masses can be addicted to bad ideas and behaviors. Aggression is a bad behavior habit. The larger the portion of humanity who cling to the nasty old habits, the more difficult achieving global peace can, and will be.
______________________________________________________________________________

However, there are many, including Elders who have suffered greatly in this life and have gazed into the Face of Evil, offer the hope that the basic goodness of humans will tip humanity towards an altruistic future.
______________________________________________________________________________

It is the thought of myself, Agawela, that prophecies are merely warnings, not laws, about what most probably will come to be IF change is not expediently begun, enacted, and carried out.

Prophesies do not always reveal what change is required. That is part of the difficulty of clinging to old bad habits. All addictions, including wrong thinking, conceal TRUTH and the WAY TO PEACE.
______________________________________________________________________________

If those whose desires are stronger towards their addiction for WAR dominate, then I, Agawela, say Tribulation and Apocalypse are the same.
______________________________________________________________________________

Human disasters, that we make ourselves, can be averted, if the causes are dealt with in a timely manner. Those causes are not hidden.
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________

I humbly thank those who are doing, and have done, what they can to preserve, protect, and generate goodness in this world.

I thank, also, those of you who hold the heroes of this world in your hearts.
It is your love, true and from the heart that creates balance against the ugliness. Without your love there would be no hope at all.

Thank you. I thank you all.
Agawela
08.30.2017 ⓒBearspawprint2017

Granny in the Information Age

TRUE STORY

Yesterday while chatting with my six year old granddaughter, answering questions about the nearby West Mims fire and how the various animals would be cared for if and when an evacuation of our home was required. Then she asked when I, and the critters  and Grandpa, were going to live in her backyard in a camper.  I replied that depended on the the fire activity and vagaries of wind and weather.

So this precocious little girl asked me what the fire was doing right then, May ten.  Having spent the day away from the computer and away from home and away from the fire area I couldn’t tell her.

That is when my age showed.

My six year old Granddaughter looked at my phone, what I call a telephone, but is really a mini-commputer, and said “Don’t you have Google?”  I replied I sort of did,  but that a box kept appearing telling me I had to do some rigamarole and download applications and buy things and so I didn’t use it. 

As I was telling her this, she reached across, mashed some icons on the touchscreen, to fast for me to see while I was watching her lovely face, then looked at me and said “There you go.”

Ha!  I started to say, “See  what I mean … ”  BUT there was an available search page for Google.  I had been struggling with this for months.  In less than two seconds she solved that problem.

I did the search, and found the information available, at that time, about the fire.  I did know where to look, but not how to use my device. 

This same child figured out how to advance through the photo library in my first digital camera when she was three.  I had no idea how to do it.  I was afraid I would delete what was not saved elsewhere.  She had no such ego fears.

This is a different world from the one in which I grew up.

Agawela May 11, 2017
ⓒBearspawprint2017

Amen Hayr Sourp

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Lévon Minassian – Armand Amar – Amen Hayr Sourp – Ամեն Հայր Սուրբ – Songs From A World Apart – Photos by Steve McCurry

DAKOTA EXCESS PIPELINE

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Published on Oct 21, 2016

The US Government just released this advert about the Dakota Access Pipeline and it’s surprisingly honest and informative.

☛ 10 WAYS YOU CAN HELP THE STANDING ROCK SIOUX FIGHT THE DAKOTA ACCESS PIPELINE: https://thejuicemedia.com/nodapl

1. Call North Dakota Governor Jack Dalrymple at 701-328-2200. When leaving a message stating your thoughts about this subject please be professional.
2. Call the White House at (202) 456-1111 or (202) 456-1414. Tell President Obama to rescind the Army Corps of Engineers’ Permit for the Dakota Access Pipeline.
3. Donate to support the Standing Rock Sioux at http://standingrock.org/news/standing…
4. Donate items from the Sacred Stone Camp Supply List: http://sacredstonecamp.org/supply-list/
5. Contribute to the Sacred Stone Camp Legal Defense Fund: https://fundrazr.com/d19fAf
6. Contribute to the Sacred Stone Camp gofundme account: https://www.gofundme.com/sacredstonecamp
7. Sign the petition to the White House to Stop DAPL: https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/peti…
8. Share this video.

☛ CREDITS:
* Written by Giordano – with ace input from Adso, Jake & Lucy
* Produced by Patrons of the Juice Media (join them: https://www.patreon.com/TheJuiceMedia)
* Presenter performed by Matylda
* Voice by Lucy
* Thanks to Lucy, Benna, Jillian, Franklin and Emily for valuable feedback
* Excerpts of footage gratefully borrowed from the following videos:
– Unicorn Riot: https://vimeo.com/182875115
– DemocracyNow!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VADcW…
– TeleSur: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wB-rJ…
– CarbonatedTV: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aepGZ…
– TRT World: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJ8pG…

☛ TRANSLATIONS:
– Spanish translation by Vitama
– Hebrew translation by Jonathan B
– French translation by Julie Chatagnon

☛ FURTHER READING – these are some good articles on this topic:
– Vox, “The fight over the Dakota Access Pipeline, explained” http://www.vox.com/2016/9/9/12862958/…
– Slate, “Standing Tall: The Sioux’s battle against a Dakota oil pipeline is a galvanizing social justice movement for Native Americans” http://www.slate.com/articles/news_an…
– Time, “Shailene Woodley: The Truth About My Arrest, http://time.com/4538557/shailene-wood…

☛ SUPPORT THE CREATION OF NEWS VIDEOS:
* Become a patron of the Juice on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheJuiceMedia
* Donate via Flattr, PayPal, or Bitcoin: http://thejuicemedia.com/support
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