Bygones

So much has been right,

Of which we do not

Want to loose sight;

But to ignore the wrong

Makes the hurt

Last too long.

.

Agawela 3.15.2021

ⓒBearspawprint2021

The Silence of Thorns

No longer

May I live

Near human

People so politely

Ignorant I scream

Uncaring civilized

And cry wailing

Too much and

Not enough bereft

Of the Veil

Some days all nights

Continuously calling

Screaming despair

While writing

While sewing

While making love

While mending

While wandering silent

Creating reasons

Of disillusioned basic

Belief agreement

Thinking unacceptable

Discordant weeping

While cooking sleeping

Other beings cringe

Shrinking from

My broken primal

Screaming wailing

Cries follow me

My own meteor tail

Of illuminated grief

What will never be

Yet waves flow

Rippling eternal

Illusion adorns my

Body as garments

Woven from despair

Sorrowing siren calls

I may never find the

Echoing perimeter

Of pain heartache

Buzzing louder

Harmonic pulses

Louder scream song

Enduring in the shouted

Silence continuously

I wail Anguish

Impenetrable

This barrier of Banshee

Screeching thorns

.

Agawela 03-13-2021

ⓒBearspawprint2021

Dissonance

By the riverside,

We walked, myself, and three dogs.

The dogs were content.

.

Bear 23November2020

ⓒBearspawprint2020

Positive Talk About SARS-COVID-19 (Bwahahahaha)

SOMETHING POSITIVE AND UPBEAT FOR YOU NO-MASKERS (unless you absolutely have to) THAT CAN ONLY TOLERATE POSITIVE GRIN GRINNY GUIDELINE GRUNTS as information; WHO CONSIDER COMMON SENSE TO BE A NEGATIVE INFLUENCE. WELL NO COMMON SENSE WRITTEN HERE. BACK ATCHA’ DEARIES
However, the BTW, at the end, is sensible.

It will be OK. 🌻 We just won’t test to confirm and then there won’t be any stats to count, hence no spike, no new infections. Viola!! 🌻
And since we know that two layer cotton masks work absolutely better than no masks, we can just slim down the anti-masker overpopulation and that will be good for everyone! 🌻 Hooray there might even be a surplus of empty housing … that no one can afford! 🌻
As for dead people, just say that any extra, two hundred thousand plus, in USA, dead people died from some other problem or co-morbidity and that this silly fickle (mutating) virus was just on the sidelines watching. 🌻
Don’t worry about any healthcare workers such as nurses or doctors or technicians or housekeeping staff, or any of those, folks. After all, risk is just part of the job. Right? Sensible people wouldn’t do a risky job like that, taking care of you, and other sick or injured persons. 🌻
There. All better. No problems in Florida. 🌻
The 37(+) dead in Nassau county don’t count, because they are dead already. 🌻
Nothing negative here. All copacetic 🌻 My goodness, even the resulting disabilities and lingering ill health are positive, because they are getting MORE, you know, POSITIVE, PLUS, not less, not minus.

BTW, It is OK to change your mind. Some of the best people have done so.
Keep in mind that old people did not get old by acting foolishly to endanger others and self, like no-maskers.

26Septmber2020
Agawela ©Bearspawprint2020

I should not have said stupid. I should have said foolish. Gonna change it. I’ve done plenty of foolish things, but mostly they did not endanger others. That is a criteria I took into account.

Children’s Legacy

.
.
Shall we all
One day be
Chernobyl Wolves
Running wild
Free
In a verdant
Wasteland of
Mutated glory
.
.
Agawela … 5January2020
ⓒBearspawprint2020

Do You Remember?

.
.
Winter rain falling,
Heavy, on the metal roof,
Brings back memories.
.
Bear … 4January2020
ⓒBearspawprint2020

The Shut Door

The Shut Door – non fiction

Not so long ago, late October of 2015, in an extremity of exhaustion, … physical and emotional, my little car’s gas gauge even said empty, I went to a close relative’s home to ask to rest there for the night. Before I could ask for help, I was harshly turned away. My loved ones answered the door and yelled at me “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??? ARE YOU CRAZY???!!!” This was at 8:00 PM.

I sat for a while, looking at the locked house, trying to collect my destroyed self back into my exhausted body from where I had shattered in a silent explosion of despair and grief. I didn’t understand what had happened.

It is true I did not follow proper social protocol and telephone several days ahead to ask if it was OK for me to stop by at a particular time on a prearranged evening. However, the circumstances, that brought me there, had made that courtesy completely impossible. But they didn’t know that. I took some time trying to figure out what had triggered such an extreme negative reaction to my own terrible need, and my joyous happiness, at seeing family after a prolonged (and for me, terribly trying) absence.

I had some water, which I drank. The purity of the mountain well water restored me physically. I am grateful. The personal heartbreak of the shut door has never left me.

My gas tank was empty, but I still had enough money for fuel, so I went to get it, before I continued my journey.

I stopped at a convenience store with poor exterior lighting and the parking lot was surrounded by heavy shrubbery. The clerk was a woman working alone in a “convenience” store. She asked me to stay with her a while, as it was night, well after dark, and she was alone and afraid of some persons hanging around at the edge of the parking lot. I also had noticed them while gassing up.

After the persons had gone. I stayed with her until she expressed relief, and acted, with her body language, as if she felt strong and safe again. She had also made arrangements for some nearby friends to phone her regularly.

Was this event the REAL reason that I was turned away?

Bear — 31December2019
ⓒBearspawprint2019

Lotus Grows In Mud

.
.
Their hearts
Opened
Revealing
Only mud.
One
Lotus seed
Was
Planted
Within
Each heart.
In which
Lifetime
Will awareness
Sprout?
The Lotus
Flower
Exists
Fully formed
Within
The seed.
Waiting
And eternity
Are one.

Bear Agawela 0/16/2019
©Bearspawprint 2019

Gaslighting 💔 Difficult Questions

Gaslighting
Difficult Questions –“Asking for a friend” — doing some research for a story
💔

1. Can persons who, in their personal relationships, habitually, and with great cleverness, and feigned reasonableness “gaslight” EVER sincerely apologize and express true remorse?

2. Can charming and accomplished persons, who habitually “gaslight” in personal relationships, EVER, be trustworthy in personal relationships?

3. Can persons who chronically “gaslight” EVER acknowledge to themselves, or anyone else, what they are doing?

4. Is it possible for persons, who are comfortable with “gaslighting”, to resolve, with TRUE INTENT, to change their behavior patterns?

5. Can persons who “gaslight” EVER even WANT to change behavior?
______________________________________________

Is there ANYTHING within a personal relationship that can curtail “gaslighting” or mitigate the damage?

Are any of the following feasible?
a. Choose neutral circumstances and talk, in an educational way, about gaslighting and consequences.
b. Whenever one becomes aware that gaslighting and/or deception is happening, call out the gaslighter.
c. Negotiate.
e. Seek professional counseling.
f. Give up and part ways, as much as possible.

________________________________________________

Is there anyway to make GASLIGHTING not be, at all, rewarding to the gaslighter?
________________________________________________

Most sources available, via the internet, suggest that {f. Give up and part ways, as much as possible.} is the only healthy scenario.

05/14/2019
Sharon Rudd
©Bearspawprint 2019

Ending

Convulsing
In paroxysms
Of grief
I have
Become
My own
Grandmother
Deceased
Long ago
Alone
Watching
Water flow
Ancestor
Mothers
Whispering
Our lives
Are now
Your
Daughter
Sorrow
Dismissed
By yowling
Pain
.
Agawela 05/14/2019
©Bearspawprint2019