Children’s Legacy

.
.
Shall we all
One day be
Chernobyl Wolves
Running wild
Free
In a verdant
Wasteland of
Mutated glory
.
.
Agawela … 5January2020
ⓒBearspawprint2020

Do You Remember?

.
.
Winter rain falling,
Heavy, on the metal roof,
Brings back memories.
.
Bear … 4January2020
ⓒBearspawprint2020

The Shut Door

The Shut Door – non fiction

Not so long ago, late October of 2015, in an extremity of exhaustion, … physical and emotional, my little car’s gas gauge even said empty, I went to a close relative’s home to ask to rest there for the night. Before I could ask for help, I was harshly turned away. My loved ones answered the door and yelled at me “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??? ARE YOU CRAZY???!!!” This was at 8:00 PM.

I sat for a while, looking at the locked house, trying to collect my destroyed self back into my exhausted body from where I had shattered in a silent explosion of despair and grief. I didn’t understand what had happened.

It is true I did not follow proper social protocol and telephone several days ahead to ask if it was OK for me to stop by at a particular time on a prearranged evening. However, the circumstances, that brought me there, had made that courtesy completely impossible. But they didn’t know that. I took some time trying to figure out what had triggered such an extreme negative reaction to my own terrible need, and my joyous happiness, at seeing family after a prolonged (and for me, terribly trying) absence.

I had some water, which I drank. The purity of the mountain well water restored me physically. I am grateful. The personal heartbreak of the shut door has never left me.

My gas tank was empty, but I still had enough money for fuel, so I went to get it, before I continued my journey.

I stopped at a convenience store with poor exterior lighting and the parking lot was surrounded by heavy shrubbery. The clerk was a woman working alone in a “convenience” store. She asked me to stay with her a while, as it was night, well after dark, and she was alone and afraid of some persons hanging around at the edge of the parking lot. I also had noticed them while gassing up.

After the persons had gone. I stayed with her until she expressed relief, and acted, with her body language, as if she felt strong and safe again. She had also made arrangements for some nearby friends to phone her regularly.

Was this event the REAL reason that I was turned away?

Bear — 31December2019
ⓒBearspawprint2019

Lotus Grows In Mud

.
.
Their hearts
Opened
Revealing
Only mud.
One
Lotus seed
Was
Planted
Within
Each heart.
In which
Lifetime
Will awareness
Sprout?
The Lotus
Flower
Exists
Fully formed
Within
The seed.
Waiting
And eternity
Are one.

Bear Agawela 0/16/2019
©Bearspawprint 2019

Gaslighting 💔 Difficult Questions

Gaslighting
Difficult Questions –“Asking for a friend” — doing some research for a story
💔

1. Can persons who, in their personal relationships, habitually, and with great cleverness, and feigned reasonableness “gaslight” EVER sincerely apologize and express true remorse?

2. Can charming and accomplished persons, who habitually “gaslight” in personal relationships, EVER, be trustworthy in personal relationships?

3. Can persons who chronically “gaslight” EVER acknowledge to themselves, or anyone else, what they are doing?

4. Is it possible for persons, who are comfortable with “gaslighting”, to resolve, with TRUE INTENT, to change their behavior patterns?

5. Can persons who “gaslight” EVER even WANT to change behavior?
______________________________________________

Is there ANYTHING within a personal relationship that can curtail “gaslighting” or mitigate the damage?

Are any of the following feasible?
a. Choose neutral circumstances and talk, in an educational way, about gaslighting and consequences.
b. Whenever one becomes aware that gaslighting and/or deception is happening, call out the gaslighter.
c. Negotiate.
e. Seek professional counseling.
f. Give up and part ways, as much as possible.

________________________________________________

Is there anyway to make GASLIGHTING not be, at all, rewarding to the gaslighter?
________________________________________________

Most sources available, via the internet, suggest that {f. Give up and part ways, as much as possible.} is the only healthy scenario.

05/14/2019
Sharon Rudd
©Bearspawprint 2019

Ending

Convulsing
In paroxysms
Of grief
I have
Become
My own
Grandmother
Deceased
Long ago
Alone
Watching
Water flow
Ancestor
Mothers
Whispering
Our lives
Are now
Your
Daughter
Sorrow
Dismissed
By yowling
Pain
.
Agawela 05/14/2019
©Bearspawprint2019

There Was No Sky

.
There was no sky
Above the day
Above the night
I learned to fly
.
Silent snow and mountains
All around
All around
All around
Silent snow and mountains
All around
.
Babies cry
Cougar screams
Mother dreams
.
Lemon thorns
Escape
Mother’s tight
Squeezed eyes
Sweet blossoming
Orange trees
Buried upside down
Frozen in the ground
Broken roots lash
Disguised as
Sleeping hands
Fear locks the door
.
There was no sky
Above the day
Above the night
I learned to fly
.
Silent snow and mountains
All around
All around
All around
Silent snow and mountains
All around
.
There was no sky
Above the day
Above the night
I learned to fly
.
Lemon thorns
Escape
Mother’s tight
Squeezed eyes
Sweet blossoming
Orange trees
Buried upside down
Frozen in the ground
Broken roots lash
Disguised as
Sleeping hands
Fear locks the door
.
Babies cry
Cougar screams
Mother dreams
.
There was no sky
Above the day
Above the night
I learned to fly
.
Silent snow and mountains
All around
All around
All around
Silent snow and mountains
All around
.
There was no sky
Above the day
Above the night
I learned to fly
.
.
Bear … 01.27.2015
ⓒBearspawprint2015