Category Archives: Empathy

Bygones

So much has been right,

Of which we do not

Want to loose sight;

But to ignore the wrong

Makes the hurt

Last too long.

.

Agawela 3.15.2021

ⓒBearspawprint2021

The Silence of Thorns

No longer

May I live

Near human

People so politely

Ignorant I scream

Uncaring civilized

And cry wailing

Too much and

Not enough bereft

Of the Veil

Some days all nights

Continuously calling

Screaming despair

While writing

While sewing

While making love

While mending

While wandering silent

Creating reasons

Of disillusioned basic

Belief agreement

Thinking unacceptable

Discordant weeping

While cooking sleeping

Other beings cringe

Shrinking from

My broken primal

Screaming wailing

Cries follow me

My own meteor tail

Of illuminated grief

What will never be

Yet waves flow

Rippling eternal

Illusion adorns my

Body as garments

Woven from despair

Sorrowing siren calls

I may never find the

Echoing perimeter

Of pain heartache

Buzzing louder

Harmonic pulses

Louder scream song

Enduring in the shouted

Silence continuously

I wail Anguish

Impenetrable

This barrier of Banshee

Screeching thorns

.

Agawela 03-13-2021

ⓒBearspawprint2021

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26Septmber2020
Agawela ©Bearspawprint2020

I should not have said stupid. I should have said foolish. Gonna change it. I’ve done plenty of foolish things, but mostly they did not endanger others. That is a criteria I took into account.

Warm

.
In the silvered night
Silent shadows
Keep pace
Beside me.
Bears, wolves,
Coyotes
Melt into
Changling trees,
And full moon
Flowers.
My fear
drifts away
In the silky
darkness.
I follow,
whimpering,
Searching
For the familiar.
Blackness
Covers me
In flowing waves
Of remembered
Grief, warm
And sweet as
A lovers vows,
Withheld.
.
Agawela 06May2020
©Bearspawprint2020

Escape

.
.
This roof compresses my pain
Too tight knotted freedom binds
The sitting ghost composes wishes
Shuts the door heavy everywhere
The anguish I cannot contain
Swims in a liquid sky
Escaping through windows
The burning meteor glass
Shatters in rising suns
What sorrow has come again
Having never dispersed
The war twists dancing
On one leg stork stepping
Is joy an illusion of the insane
.
.
Bear…07.30.2016
ⓒBearspawprint2016
Reblog

The Shut Door

The Shut Door – non fiction

Not so long ago, late October of 2015, in an extremity of exhaustion, … physical and emotional, my little car’s gas gauge even said empty, I went to a close relative’s home to ask to rest there for the night. Before I could ask for help, I was harshly turned away. My loved ones answered the door and yelled at me “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??? ARE YOU CRAZY???!!!” This was at 8:00 PM.

I sat for a while, looking at the locked house, trying to collect my destroyed self back into my exhausted body from where I had shattered in a silent explosion of despair and grief. I didn’t understand what had happened.

It is true I did not follow proper social protocol and telephone several days ahead to ask if it was OK for me to stop by at a particular time on a prearranged evening. However, the circumstances, that brought me there, had made that courtesy completely impossible. But they didn’t know that. I took some time trying to figure out what had triggered such an extreme negative reaction to my own terrible need, and my joyous happiness, at seeing family after a prolonged (and for me, terribly trying) absence.

I had some water, which I drank. The purity of the mountain well water restored me physically. I am grateful. The personal heartbreak of the shut door has never left me.

My gas tank was empty, but I still had enough money for fuel, so I went to get it, before I continued my journey.

I stopped at a convenience store with poor exterior lighting and the parking lot was surrounded by heavy shrubbery. The clerk was a woman working alone in a “convenience” store. She asked me to stay with her a while, as it was night, well after dark, and she was alone and afraid of some persons hanging around at the edge of the parking lot. I also had noticed them while gassing up.

After the persons had gone. I stayed with her until she expressed relief, and acted, with her body language, as if she felt strong and safe again. She had also made arrangements for some nearby friends to phone her regularly.

Was this event the REAL reason that I was turned away?

Bear — 31December2019
ⓒBearspawprint2019

Black Dog

.
There is
A Black Dog
In the corner.
He is trapped
By my despair.
His beauty
Is my anguish.
His glory
Is my pain.
He whimpers
And he howls.
Black Dog’s
Escape is fear.
Death, betrayal
And indifference
Call Black Dog’s
Other name.
.
4 November 2019
Bear ©Bearspawprint2019

Old Woman Old Woman

Old Woman Old Woman
Why do you wander alone in the forest?
.
Dear Child Dear Child
I am not all alone in these woods.
The forests are filled with dreams and memories
That I have cast away and tried too hard to forget.
.
Old Woman Old Woman
Why do you wander alone in the forest?
.
Dear Child Dear Child
I am gathering back into my heart the
Flowing beauty songs of dead lovers and the
Blooming new growth of cast away dreams and pain.
.
Old Woman Old Woman
Why do you wander alone in the forest?
.
Dear Child Dear Child
My wandering is my dance, my own memory dance,
Through forests of trouble and learning and work.
I am dancing through the veiled mists of time.
.
Old Woman Old Woman
Why do you wander alone in the forest?
.
Dear Child Dear Child
I am gathering together the music of
Thrown away dreams and lost love songs,
I am dancing in the joy of remembrance and loss.
.
Old Woman Old Woman
Why do you wander alone in the forest?
.
Dear Child Dear Child
Leave me now, please go. You cannot wander
Here, where my remembered life is too thorny.
I must gather my own lost song back together, dancing alone.
.
Old Woman Old Woman
Why do you wander alone in the forest?
.
Dear Child Dear Child
Go, sing of your new life and struggles. Sing
With hope in your heart and litter the woods not with dreams.
Leave me. I must dance, weeping alone in the forest.
.
Old Woman Old Woman
Why do you wander alone in the forest?
.
.
Bear … 04.13.2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint2014

Echo

.
.
I am
The Blank Space
Within
Your Heart
I am
This Voice
This blowing wind
This katajjaq
Singing calling
Chanting
A whirling of
No words
Do you not feel
This Voice
This blowing wind
I am
The Banshee
Scream
The Blank Space
Within
Your Heart
I call with my
Twisted face
I love you
But what about
This Voice
This blowing wind
I am not dead
I did not die
I live within
I am the
Swirling
Empty Hollowness
Within
Your Heart
Should
Your Heart
Stop it’s
Pulsing beat
Counterpoint
Throbbing
It is I
This Voice
Wailing
This blowing wind
That shall
Drift softly
Away humming
Descending crescendo
Finally to still
Leaving empty
Drafty and echoing
The blank space
Within
Your Heart
This Voice
This blowing wind
Could never
Fill
.
.
Bear … 08.01.2019
ⓒBearspawprint2019
old poem reworked
.
.