Conversations With Bump Onna Log #15

Old Bear Wife:  My Love, why, over all these years, didn’t we go places or do anything, together?  Why did you ALWAYS go alone or with other people?

Bump Onna Log:  I didn’t always go alone.

Old Bear Wife:  Can you remember ONE time you included me?  Just ONE?

Bump Onna Log:  I’m sure there where one or two times, I just can’t recall right now.

Old Bear Wife: Where you so ashamed of me?  My appearance? My personality?  You were afraid I might say something you wouldn’t like or that others might disagree with?

Bump Onna Log:  No, I was never ashamed of you.

Old Bear Wife:  Then why did you not want me with you?

Bump Onna Log:  Would you just STOP!!

Old Bear Wife:  But you excluded me from all social happenings, even from family, from … everything …

Old Bear Wife:  (Fear and grief  on face and in voice) Was it other women you just didn’t want me to see?  Did I cramp your style? Why did you exclude me, entirely?

Bump Onna Log:  I didn’t exclude you, I just didn’t included you.

Old Bear Wife:  But why?  Where you punishing me?  Why? Revenge for some time that you felt left out?

Bump Onna Log: No. No. I SAID no.

Old Bear Wife:  Other women, was it Nancy, Inez, Libby, Faye, Rose Marie, Rose Mary? …  Who?

Bump Onna Log:  There you go accusing me!! THAT is why I left you out! If you went I KNEW you would be like this  with all the recriminations and accusations!!

Old Bear Wife:  (trying not to cry in anguish, but it leaks into voice) Oh, you were isolating me because you knew I wouldn’t like it?

Bump Onna Log:  YOU don’t make any sense.  You just go on and on and on about the same thing. Why don’t you just shut up.

Old Bear Wife:  Crying in frustration and anguish.  You just wanted to keep your options open? for new relationships?

Bump Onna Log:  You are ALWAYS angry.  You never say a kind word.    Do you just want me to quit EVERYTHING?  Never do anything?!!!! THAT is what is sounds like to me.

Old Bear Wife:  You say that whenever you know it is an activity in which I want to participate.  You even cancelled your Reunion/Birthday gathering, because you thought I might be back in time, from helping my 95 year old father.  You canceled it so I, the uninvited guest, wouldn’t crash your party.  You even don’t want me to participate in pow wows, now that you want to go.

Bump Onna Log:  There is just no use trying to please you … and all of this fuss because I want to do this ONE thing alone. You argue about everything.  I always knew how you would be like this.  You make no sense at all.  Just let it go!!! I never NOT wanted you … all this because I want to do this ONE thing by myself .

Bear…6.14.2018
©Bearspawprint2018

 

 

 

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Cannot Be

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Crying out into
The void
Heartbreaking pain
Mere circumstances
Joy and grief
Achingly balanced
Hannannah embraces
Anguished screams
Touch all Mothers
We whisper with
The terrible beauty
Of burning stars and
Whirling planets
With tiny flowers and
Eternal lost songs
Ancestral Mothers
Who bore all Mothers
We are all the
Ephemeral nowhere
Which cannot be
.
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Agawela … 04.12.2018
ⓒBearspawprint2018

Wailing Sand

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I hear Wind
She gives
Voice to sand
Wailing mantra
Sparking current
Friction sowing
All ancestors
Weeping in
Blowing sand
Guabancex
Singing wild
Calls Huracan
Merging
Spiral song
Guatauva
New joy
Wind sings
Her prayer
An ecstasy
Cleansing
With gratitude
The pure
Coatrischie
Self Offering
Washes tears
Prayer restored
.
.
Agawela…09.07.2017
ⓒBearspawprint2017

Swallow What You Must

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.
I stood in the doorway
Foot raised to cross
The bedroom threshold
Your broad shoulders
Filled the space
As you stepped forward
Raising your beautiful arms
Not to put them around me
Nor to accept an embrace
But only to force me
By courtesy to step back
Yet I did not step aside
Instead raising the
Water Blessing
You took and drank
Ingesting unmindfully
Returning the glass
Irritation radiating
Communion reaching
Behind yourself
You shut the bedroom door
And step forward
Again the message clear
Turning I moved aside
Water Blessing transmuted
Funereal Tear Cup
Refilling the empty
Blessing portion
Now become the
Woman’s Salt Sea
I drank my half moon
Tide change
Howling a lullaby named
Anguish to no one
The lyrics all
Told in stories
And the songs all sung
To children grown
From the darkness
Persecuted coyotes echo
My useless cries
I have refilled
Water Blessing
In the new dawn
You will swallow
What you must
And I shall drink
With gratitude
.
.
Agawela … 03.22.2017
ⓒBearspawprint2017

Half-Moon

.
.
Poised between,
We live in
Tension,
Balanced
In a moment.
All breath
Is a choice.
Every choice,
A decision.
Every decision,
Forever,
Irrevocable.
.
.
Agawela … 03.21.2017
ⓒBearspawprint2017
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