The No Face

.
I clothe myself
In the weariness
Of a new day.
Turning East,
Squinting in
Brightness,
I laugh aloud.
I smile unseen,
My heart beating
Away the lonesome.
Yet, I long for
The no face mask
Of darkness,
The ear stopping
Silence of sorrow,
Weeping and wailing
Alone and untouched,
In the vastness
Of forsaken.
.
The No Face
Bear 26June2020
©Bearspawprint2020

Warm

.
In the silvered night
Silent shadows
Keep pace
Beside me.
Bears, wolves,
Coyotes
Melt into
Changling trees,
And full moon
Flowers.
My fear
drifts away
In the silky
darkness.
I follow,
whimpering,
Searching
For the familiar.
Blackness
Covers me
In flowing waves
Of remembered
Grief, warm
And sweet as
A lovers vows,
Withheld.
.
Agawela 06May2020
©Bearspawprint2020

Children’s Legacy

.
.
Shall we all
One day be
Chernobyl Wolves
Running wild
Free
In a verdant
Wasteland of
Mutated glory
.
.
Agawela … 5January2020
ⓒBearspawprint2020

The Shut Door

The Shut Door – non fiction

Not so long ago, late October of 2015, in an extremity of exhaustion, … physical and emotional, my little car’s gas gauge even said empty, I went to a close relative’s home to ask to rest there for the night. Before I could ask for help, I was harshly turned away. My loved ones answered the door and yelled at me “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??? ARE YOU CRAZY???!!!” This was at 8:00 PM.

I sat for a while, looking at the locked house, trying to collect my destroyed self back into my exhausted body from where I had shattered in a silent explosion of despair and grief. I didn’t understand what had happened.

It is true I did not follow proper social protocol and telephone several days ahead to ask if it was OK for me to stop by at a particular time on a prearranged evening. However, the circumstances, that brought me there, had made that courtesy completely impossible. But they didn’t know that. I took some time trying to figure out what had triggered such an extreme negative reaction to my own terrible need, and my joyous happiness, at seeing family after a prolonged (and for me, terribly trying) absence.

I had some water, which I drank. The purity of the mountain well water restored me physically. I am grateful. The personal heartbreak of the shut door has never left me.

My gas tank was empty, but I still had enough money for fuel, so I went to get it, before I continued my journey.

I stopped at a convenience store with poor exterior lighting and the parking lot was surrounded by heavy shrubbery. The clerk was a woman working alone in a “convenience” store. She asked me to stay with her a while, as it was night, well after dark, and she was alone and afraid of some persons hanging around at the edge of the parking lot. I also had noticed them while gassing up.

After the persons had gone. I stayed with her until she expressed relief, and acted, with her body language, as if she felt strong and safe again. She had also made arrangements for some nearby friends to phone her regularly.

Was this event the REAL reason that I was turned away?

Bear — 31December2019
ⓒBearspawprint2019

Black Dog

.
There is
A Black Dog
In the corner.
He is trapped
By my despair.
His beauty
Is my anguish.
His glory
Is my pain.
He whimpers
And he howls.
Black Dog’s
Escape is fear.
Death, betrayal
And indifference
Call Black Dog’s
Other name.
.
4 November 2019
Bear ©Bearspawprint2019

Final False Witness

 
I have
Been advised
That boot
Strap pulling
Up would
Be my
Salvation 
If only
I put
Real effort
Into smiles 
And winks
And wiggles
Perhaps I
Can use
The bootstraps
Wrapped twice
Around to
Pull myself
Up I
Will have
No use
For laceless  
Boots when
I am
Pulled up
To the
Proper stratum
Will you
Find it
Acceptable
For me
To do the
Pulling up
From your
Front hoe
The excessive
Burden of
Useless weight
Won’t stress
Your back
Already carried
By the tractor
Will you
Be compensated
Enough
For your
Bother if
A message
About your
Infinite generosity
Your compassion
Is written
In big letters
Thus protecting
Your stalwart
Reputation
You did
The best
You could
May I borrow
Your block
And tackle
I could
Jump from
The come
Along lever
I know
You don’t
Like for
Me to
Intrude in
Your space
Or plans
But it’s
Just once
And I
Have nowhere
I won’t
Ever ask
Again
I might
Have to
Tie my
Boot straps
To the
Tie-off rope
I shall
Do all
Set up
And arranging
But no
Matter what
I am sorry
You will
Be stuck
With some
Clean up
But it
Is just
This one
Time  finally
Pulled up
By my
Bootstraps
And you
Can gossip
With whomever
You like
After all
You have
Suffered
Sacrificed
Tolerated
You deserve
To be allowed
This final
False witness
 
Agawela May 21, 2015
ⓒBearspawprint2015

Found in an old file

Old Woman Old Woman

Old Woman Old Woman
Why do you wander alone in the forest?
.
Dear Child Dear Child
I am not all alone in these woods.
The forests are filled with dreams and memories
That I have cast away and tried too hard to forget.
.
Old Woman Old Woman
Why do you wander alone in the forest?
.
Dear Child Dear Child
I am gathering back into my heart the
Flowing beauty songs of dead lovers and the
Blooming new growth of cast away dreams and pain.
.
Old Woman Old Woman
Why do you wander alone in the forest?
.
Dear Child Dear Child
My wandering is my dance, my own memory dance,
Through forests of trouble and learning and work.
I am dancing through the veiled mists of time.
.
Old Woman Old Woman
Why do you wander alone in the forest?
.
Dear Child Dear Child
I am gathering together the music of
Thrown away dreams and lost love songs,
I am dancing in the joy of remembrance and loss.
.
Old Woman Old Woman
Why do you wander alone in the forest?
.
Dear Child Dear Child
Leave me now, please go. You cannot wander
Here, where my remembered life is too thorny.
I must gather my own lost song back together, dancing alone.
.
Old Woman Old Woman
Why do you wander alone in the forest?
.
Dear Child Dear Child
Go, sing of your new life and struggles. Sing
With hope in your heart and litter the woods not with dreams.
Leave me. I must dance, weeping alone in the forest.
.
Old Woman Old Woman
Why do you wander alone in the forest?
.
.
Bear … 04.13.2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint2014

Hollow Flesh

.
.
His flesh is empty.
His voice is
The Black Wind
Carrying no message.
Behind his eyes
Linger screams
Of children,
Destroyed.
His ears are stoppered
With deceit and lies.
He is death
Clothed in
Platitudes.
He is Hollow Flesh.
.
Agawela 05/19/2019
©Bearspawprint 2019

Lotus Grows In Mud

.
.
Their hearts
Opened
Revealing
Only mud.
One
Lotus seed
Was
Planted
Within
Each heart.
In which
Lifetime
Will awareness
Sprout?
The Lotus
Flower
Exists
Fully formed
Within
The seed.
Waiting
And eternity
Are one.

Bear Agawela 0/16/2019
©Bearspawprint 2019