The Silence of Thorns

No longer

May I live

Near human

People so politely

Ignorant I scream

Uncaring civilized

And cry wailing

Too much and

Not enough bereft

Of the Veil

Some days all nights

Continuously calling

Screaming despair

While writing

While sewing

While making love

While mending

While wandering silent

Creating reasons

Of disillusioned basic

Belief agreement

Thinking unacceptable

Discordant weeping

While cooking sleeping

Other beings cringe

Shrinking from

My broken primal

Screaming wailing

Cries follow me

My own meteor tail

Of illuminated grief

What will never be

Yet waves flow

Rippling eternal

Illusion adorns my

Body as garments

Woven from despair

Sorrowing siren calls

I may never find the

Echoing perimeter

Of pain heartache

Buzzing louder

Harmonic pulses

Louder scream song

Enduring in the shouted

Silence continuously

I wail Anguish


This barrier of Banshee

Screeching thorns


Agawela 03-13-2021




By the riverside,

We walked, myself, and three dogs.

The dogs were content.


Bear 23November2020


Dark Dance

Straddling fault lines,
We dance above the abyss.
There is no safety.
Bear 30January2020

Becoming What Is Not

Becoming What Is Not

While tracking
My star,
Across the sky
Towards the west,
Following color
And the
I closed
My eyes
Just for
A moment,
To rest,
So tired,
So weary was
This human flesh.
Then opened,
The cosmos
A small
My eyes,
Opened wide,
Saw the world
Had moved over
And I had not.
The ground
Was no longer
The same ground.
Red clay
Had become shale,
Sliding and unstable,
And foothills
Pulled themselves
From beneath my feet.
I jumped and ran
But could not catch
Anything solid.
Nothing of
Of honor,
No truth,
What had been
Became what was not.
What would be,
What is never.
Running and
As soon
As my feet
Would feel,
Some surface,
And pause,
An instant,
Only to orient,
To take
A direction
Solid became
And mud became mist.
I sank,
Clawing at
Words slipping
Away as breath,
As fog,
As illusion
Forcing me
To leap and
Prong, and
Fly dancing
In pursuit
Of the reality
That had gone,
Leaving my perceptions
Blinded by
Streaming tears,
My song unheard
In anguished echoes,
No meaning
But a garble of loss.
The old people
I knew,
Became new people
With different lives,
New relationships,
That I never
Dreamed in
The dreaming worlds,
Never touched
In the
Waking worlds,
These new worlds,
New beings,
Had been
Shimmering surfaces
Only as approached,
When out of sight,
With new languages
Of no meaning,
No feeling,
Only confusion,
A chaos new faces,
Grown older,
Grown different,
New ideas,
Translated fantasies,
Spoken in
And I was
As each thought
Passed by me,
Tweaking my
Nudging me
To turn
A little,
To turn my head,
To my memory,
Turn and turn,
Turn my heart,
And a turn
A little
More, and
Turn more,
Faster and faster,
Until I became
A plasma wind
In place
While all that
I knew,
As comfort,
As familiar,
As love,
Whirled around,
My spinning
My whirling death,
Dancing away
On a receding tide
Of regret.
I ran and
Ran dancing,
Crying for
Circling the
The deepest
Well of yesterdays,
Of lost
Dark shadows
Of never to be.
Melted light,
Between what was
And what
Had now
What is not.
My hair
Flew out
From my
Whirling head,
Each individual
Hair a voice
Screaming and
Calling spirit
Into myself,
To become
All one
With the nothing
Of no hope.
I whirl,
One hand
To the vastness
That is beyond
The knowable
Seven Skies;
One hand,
Gentle across
My own
Beating heart,
And I turn,
And turn,
And I turn.
Bear … 11.15.2015

Black Dog

There is
A Black Dog
In the corner.
He is trapped
By my despair.
His beauty
Is my anguish.
His glory
Is my pain.
He whimpers
And he howls.
Black Dog’s
Escape is fear.
Death, betrayal
And indifference
Call Black Dog’s
Other name.
4 November 2019
Bear ©Bearspawprint2019

Gaslighting 💔 Difficult Questions

Difficult Questions –“Asking for a friend” — doing some research for a story

1. Can persons who, in their personal relationships, habitually, and with great cleverness, and feigned reasonableness “gaslight” EVER sincerely apologize and express true remorse?

2. Can charming and accomplished persons, who habitually “gaslight” in personal relationships, EVER, be trustworthy in personal relationships?

3. Can persons who chronically “gaslight” EVER acknowledge to themselves, or anyone else, what they are doing?

4. Is it possible for persons, who are comfortable with “gaslighting”, to resolve, with TRUE INTENT, to change their behavior patterns?

5. Can persons who “gaslight” EVER even WANT to change behavior?

Is there ANYTHING within a personal relationship that can curtail “gaslighting” or mitigate the damage?

Are any of the following feasible?
a. Choose neutral circumstances and talk, in an educational way, about gaslighting and consequences.
b. Whenever one becomes aware that gaslighting and/or deception is happening, call out the gaslighter.
c. Negotiate.
e. Seek professional counseling.
f. Give up and part ways, as much as possible.


Is there anyway to make GASLIGHTING not be, at all, rewarding to the gaslighter?

Most sources available, via the internet, suggest that {f. Give up and part ways, as much as possible.} is the only healthy scenario.

Sharon Rudd
©Bearspawprint 2019

Donkey’s Bray 01.22.2014

Hopeless hopeless is the honest way
Work and work and nothing say
Forget the grand old horror fray
Know only that unwritten history must pay
What ere we say
What ere we pray
It seems it’s all games we play
Dance to the music donkey’s bray
Hee Haw Hee Haw
Wear a damned thorn crown
Deep into the absurd I drown
Hee Haw Hee Haw
Bitter the swallowed hidden frown
Hee Haw Hee Haw
Counterpoint the Crow’s Caw
Ca Caw Ca Caw Hee Haw Hee Haw
Lilith Mordred Siren’s call
All the same regardless dance or fall
Hee Haw Hee Haw
Deep in the absurd I drown
Wear a damned thorn crown
With Hell so gay
I’ll dance all day
Hee Haw Ca Caw Ca Caw
Hee Haw Ca Caw Ca Caw
Bear … 01.22.2014
Lilith Moon 2019


Heavy, The Air

Heavy, the air.
Weary, the trees
Whisper their despair.
Invading miasma
Of crawling dreams,
Drifts, dense
With unremembered songs.
Heat oppressed,
Unseen Loa cry.
Intensely sweet
Their unheard wails
Are entwined,
In blue mist.
Eerie soup flows,
Thick with voiceless
Voices filling
Unrequited voids,
Empty of regard.
Leaves droop,
August 14, 2018
Bear ©Bearspswprint2018

Friction Arcs

It was a beautiful day
The sun shining golden
Glorious horizon
As Grandmother Moon
Rises in fullness
There are gatherings
And parties and meet-ups
Quiet visits
And wild jamborees
Mortal bodies fail us
Pain prickles and stabs
Sorrow claims the stars
Despairing in solitude
Wailing in the darkness
Empty eons between
Wild flowers bloom
The sand drifts deeper
Blowing friction
Harmonics Dissonant
Lightening arcs
Cloud to nowhere
Within wavering time
There is no forgetfulness
Bear … 04.28.2018