Dissonance

By the riverside,

We walked, myself, and three dogs.

The dogs were content.

.

Bear 23November2020

ⓒBearspawprint2020

Dark Dance

Straddling fault lines,
We dance above the abyss.
There is no safety.
.
Bear 30January2020
ⓒBearspawprint2020

Becoming What Is Not

Becoming What Is Not

.
While tracking
My star,
Across the sky
Towards the west,
Following color
Streaks,
And the
Blackest
Deep,
Succumbing,
I closed
My eyes
Just for
A moment,
To rest,
So tired,
So weary was
This human flesh.
Then opened,
Startled
Awake.
The cosmos
Lurched,
A small
Gap.
My eyes,
Opened wide,
Saw the world
Had moved over
And I had not.
The ground
Was no longer
The same ground.
Red clay
Had become shale,
Sliding and unstable,
Mountains
And foothills
Pulled themselves
From beneath my feet.
I jumped and ran
But could not catch
Anything solid.
Nothing of
Substance,
Nothing
Of honor,
No truth,
What had been
Became what was not.
What would be,
Became,
What is never.
Running and
Running,
As soon
As my feet
Would feel,
Some surface,
And pause,
Only
An instant,
Only to orient,
To take
A direction
Reading,
Solid became
Liquid
And mud became mist.
I sank,
Clawing at
Words slipping
Away as breath,
As fog,
As illusion
Forcing me
To leap and
Prong, and
Fly dancing
In pursuit
Of the reality
That had gone,
Leaving my perceptions
Blinded by
Streaming tears,
My song unheard
In anguished echoes,
No meaning
But a garble of loss.
The old people
I knew,
Became new people
With different lives,
New relationships,
That I never
Dreamed in
The dreaming worlds,
Never touched
In the
Waking worlds,
These new worlds,
New beings,
Had been
Building
Themselves,
Generating
Shimmering surfaces
Only as approached,
Dissolving
When out of sight,
Described
With new languages
Of no meaning,
No feeling,
Only confusion,
A chaos new faces,
Grown older,
Grown different,
New ideas,
Translated fantasies,
Spoken in
Gibberish,
And I was
Spinning.
As each thought
Passed by me,
Tweaking my
Body,
Nudging me
To turn
A little,
To turn my head,
To my memory,
Turn and turn,
Turn my heart,
And a turn
A little
More, and
Turn more,
Faster and faster,
Until I became
A plasma wind
Spinning
In place
While all that
I knew,
As comfort,
As familiar,
As love,
Whirled around,
My spinning
Life,
My whirling death,
Dancing away
On a receding tide
Of regret.
I ran and
Ran dancing,
Crying for
Mercy,
Circling the
Abyss,
The deepest
Well of yesterdays,
Of lost
Tomorrows,
Dark shadows
Of never to be.
Spinning
Light,
Spinning
Plasma,
Hot,
Melted light,
Between what was
And what
Had now
Become
What is not.
My hair
Flew out
From my
Whirling head,
Each individual
Hair a voice
Screaming and
Whistling,
Calling spirit
Back
Into myself,
To become
All one
With the nothing
Of no hope.
I whirl,
One hand
Raised,
Open
To the vastness
That is beyond
The knowable
Seven Skies;
One hand,
Gentle across
My own
Beating heart,
And I turn,
And turn,
And I turn.
.
Bear … 11.15.2015
ⓒBearspawprint2015

Black Dog

.
There is
A Black Dog
In the corner.
He is trapped
By my despair.
His beauty
Is my anguish.
His glory
Is my pain.
He whimpers
And he howls.
Black Dog’s
Escape is fear.
Death, betrayal
And indifference
Call Black Dog’s
Other name.
.
4 November 2019
Bear ©Bearspawprint2019

Gaslighting 💔 Difficult Questions

Gaslighting
Difficult Questions –“Asking for a friend” — doing some research for a story
💔

1. Can persons who, in their personal relationships, habitually, and with great cleverness, and feigned reasonableness “gaslight” EVER sincerely apologize and express true remorse?

2. Can charming and accomplished persons, who habitually “gaslight” in personal relationships, EVER, be trustworthy in personal relationships?

3. Can persons who chronically “gaslight” EVER acknowledge to themselves, or anyone else, what they are doing?

4. Is it possible for persons, who are comfortable with “gaslighting”, to resolve, with TRUE INTENT, to change their behavior patterns?

5. Can persons who “gaslight” EVER even WANT to change behavior?
______________________________________________

Is there ANYTHING within a personal relationship that can curtail “gaslighting” or mitigate the damage?

Are any of the following feasible?
a. Choose neutral circumstances and talk, in an educational way, about gaslighting and consequences.
b. Whenever one becomes aware that gaslighting and/or deception is happening, call out the gaslighter.
c. Negotiate.
e. Seek professional counseling.
f. Give up and part ways, as much as possible.

________________________________________________

Is there anyway to make GASLIGHTING not be, at all, rewarding to the gaslighter?
________________________________________________

Most sources available, via the internet, suggest that {f. Give up and part ways, as much as possible.} is the only healthy scenario.

05/14/2019
Sharon Rudd
©Bearspawprint 2019

Donkey’s Bray 01.22.2014

.
.
Hopeless hopeless is the honest way
Work and work and nothing say
.
Forget the grand old horror fray
Know only that unwritten history must pay
.
What ere we say
What ere we pray
It seems it’s all games we play
Dance to the music donkey’s bray
.
Hee Haw Hee Haw
Wear a damned thorn crown
Deep into the absurd I drown
Hee Haw Hee Haw
Bitter the swallowed hidden frown
.
Hee Haw Hee Haw
Counterpoint the Crow’s Caw
Ca Caw Ca Caw Hee Haw Hee Haw
Lilith Mordred Siren’s call
All the same regardless dance or fall
.
Hee Haw Hee Haw
Deep in the absurd I drown
Wear a damned thorn crown
With Hell so gay
I’ll dance all day
Hee Haw Ca Caw Ca Caw
Hee Haw Ca Caw Ca Caw
.
.
Bear … 01.22.2014
ⓒBearspawprint2014
Lilith Moon 2019

.
.

Heavy, The Air

.
.
Heavy, the air.
Weary, the trees
Whisper their despair.
Invading miasma
Of crawling dreams,
Drifts, dense
With unremembered songs.
Heat oppressed,
Unseen Loa cry.
Intensely sweet
Their unheard wails
Are entwined,
Tangled,
In blue mist.
Eerie soup flows,
Thick with voiceless
Voices filling
Unrequited voids,
Empty of regard.
Leaves droop,
Breathless.
.
August 14, 2018
Bear ©Bearspswprint2018

Friction Arcs

.
.
It was a beautiful day
The sun shining golden
Glorious horizon
As Grandmother Moon
Rises in fullness
There are gatherings
And parties and meet-ups
Quiet visits
And wild jamborees
Mortal bodies fail us
Pain prickles and stabs
Sorrow claims the stars
Despairing in solitude
Wailing in the darkness
Empty eons between
Wild flowers bloom
The sand drifts deeper
Blowing friction
Harmonics Dissonant
Lightening arcs
Cloud to nowhere
Within wavering time
There is no forgetfulness
.
.
Bear … 04.28.2018
©Bearspawprint2018

Cannot Be

.
.
Crying out into
The void
Heartbreaking pain
Mere circumstances
Joy and grief
Achingly balanced
Hannannah embraces
Anguished screams
Touch all Mothers
We whisper with
The terrible beauty
Of burning stars and
Whirling planets
With tiny flowers and
Eternal lost songs
Ancestral Mothers
Who bore all Mothers
We are all the
Ephemeral nowhere
Which cannot be
.
.
Agawela … 04.12.2018
ⓒBearspawprint2018