The Silence of Thorns

No longer

May I live

Near human

People so politely

Ignorant I scream

Uncaring civilized

And cry wailing

Too much and

Not enough bereft

Of the Veil

Some days all nights

Continuously calling

Screaming despair

While writing

While sewing

While making love

While mending

While wandering silent

Creating reasons

Of disillusioned basic

Belief agreement

Thinking unacceptable

Discordant weeping

While cooking sleeping

Other beings cringe

Shrinking from

My broken primal

Screaming wailing

Cries follow me

My own meteor tail

Of illuminated grief

What will never be

Yet waves flow

Rippling eternal

Illusion adorns my

Body as garments

Woven from despair

Sorrowing siren calls

I may never find the

Echoing perimeter

Of pain heartache

Buzzing louder

Harmonic pulses

Louder scream song

Enduring in the shouted

Silence continuously

I wail Anguish


This barrier of Banshee

Screeching thorns


Agawela 03-13-2021




By the riverside,

We walked, myself, and three dogs.

The dogs were content.


Bear 23November2020


Dark Dance

Straddling fault lines,
We dance above the abyss.
There is no safety.
Bear 30January2020

28th Anniversary

There are
With sweetness,
That linger,
Gently touching,
Trailing ripples
Through dreams.
Love whispers
Of time passing,
A grief that
Is a joy,
Of what was,
Or might
Have been.
Other years
Are lost,
In sorrow,
The lonesome
Washed to
With tears.
Yet, our hearts
Are still
Shared, with
Words not said.
Unseen, we
Spirit dance,
Our love
Blending in
Swirls like
And music
To evolve
The whole,
That is us,
In love.

28th Anniversary

The Shut Door

The Shut Door – non fiction

Not so long ago, late October of 2015, in an extremity of exhaustion, … physical and emotional, my little car’s gas gauge even said empty, I went to a close relative’s home to ask to rest there for the night. Before I could ask for help, I was harshly turned away. My loved ones answered the door and yelled at me “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??? ARE YOU CRAZY???!!!” This was at 8:00 PM.

I sat for a while, looking at the locked house, trying to collect my destroyed self back into my exhausted body from where I had shattered in a silent explosion of despair and grief. I didn’t understand what had happened.

It is true I did not follow proper social protocol and telephone several days ahead to ask if it was OK for me to stop by at a particular time on a prearranged evening. However, the circumstances, that brought me there, had made that courtesy completely impossible. But they didn’t know that. I took some time trying to figure out what had triggered such an extreme negative reaction to my own terrible need, and my joyous happiness, at seeing family after a prolonged (and for me, terribly trying) absence.

I had some water, which I drank. The purity of the mountain well water restored me physically. I am grateful. The personal heartbreak of the shut door has never left me.

My gas tank was empty, but I still had enough money for fuel, so I went to get it, before I continued my journey.

I stopped at a convenience store with poor exterior lighting and the parking lot was surrounded by heavy shrubbery. The clerk was a woman working alone in a “convenience” store. She asked me to stay with her a while, as it was night, well after dark, and she was alone and afraid of some persons hanging around at the edge of the parking lot. I also had noticed them while gassing up.

After the persons had gone. I stayed with her until she expressed relief, and acted, with her body language, as if she felt strong and safe again. She had also made arrangements for some nearby friends to phone her regularly.

Was this event the REAL reason that I was turned away?

Bear — 31December2019

Becoming What Is Not

Becoming What Is Not

While tracking
My star,
Across the sky
Towards the west,
Following color
And the
I closed
My eyes
Just for
A moment,
To rest,
So tired,
So weary was
This human flesh.
Then opened,
The cosmos
A small
My eyes,
Opened wide,
Saw the world
Had moved over
And I had not.
The ground
Was no longer
The same ground.
Red clay
Had become shale,
Sliding and unstable,
And foothills
Pulled themselves
From beneath my feet.
I jumped and ran
But could not catch
Anything solid.
Nothing of
Of honor,
No truth,
What had been
Became what was not.
What would be,
What is never.
Running and
As soon
As my feet
Would feel,
Some surface,
And pause,
An instant,
Only to orient,
To take
A direction
Solid became
And mud became mist.
I sank,
Clawing at
Words slipping
Away as breath,
As fog,
As illusion
Forcing me
To leap and
Prong, and
Fly dancing
In pursuit
Of the reality
That had gone,
Leaving my perceptions
Blinded by
Streaming tears,
My song unheard
In anguished echoes,
No meaning
But a garble of loss.
The old people
I knew,
Became new people
With different lives,
New relationships,
That I never
Dreamed in
The dreaming worlds,
Never touched
In the
Waking worlds,
These new worlds,
New beings,
Had been
Shimmering surfaces
Only as approached,
When out of sight,
With new languages
Of no meaning,
No feeling,
Only confusion,
A chaos new faces,
Grown older,
Grown different,
New ideas,
Translated fantasies,
Spoken in
And I was
As each thought
Passed by me,
Tweaking my
Nudging me
To turn
A little,
To turn my head,
To my memory,
Turn and turn,
Turn my heart,
And a turn
A little
More, and
Turn more,
Faster and faster,
Until I became
A plasma wind
In place
While all that
I knew,
As comfort,
As familiar,
As love,
Whirled around,
My spinning
My whirling death,
Dancing away
On a receding tide
Of regret.
I ran and
Ran dancing,
Crying for
Circling the
The deepest
Well of yesterdays,
Of lost
Dark shadows
Of never to be.
Melted light,
Between what was
And what
Had now
What is not.
My hair
Flew out
From my
Whirling head,
Each individual
Hair a voice
Screaming and
Calling spirit
Into myself,
To become
All one
With the nothing
Of no hope.
I whirl,
One hand
To the vastness
That is beyond
The knowable
Seven Skies;
One hand,
Gentle across
My own
Beating heart,
And I turn,
And turn,
And I turn.
Bear … 11.15.2015