6. CONVERSATIONS WITH BUMP ONNA LOG

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BEAR: I heard what you said, yesterday, to the group. That story was wrong.
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BUMP ONNA LOG: There you go again, mountains out of mole hills. I wasn’t talking to you anyway. It’s none of your business what I say to MY friends and MY relatives.
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BEAR: But I was standing in the group.
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BUMP ONNA LOG: You already know what happened, so I was telling them.
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BEAR: But I know the true story. I know what really happened.
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BUMP ONNA LOG: So why didn’t you tell it?
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BEAR: The way it really is?
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BUMP ONNA LOG: It is the way I said. I said it didn’t I? All of those people agree with me. Ask any of them, they will tell you YOU are wrong.
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BEAR: But they don’t know.
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BUMP ONNA LOG: They know what I told them. That’s good enough. I said it, so it must be that way. You weren’t even a part of the conversation. What do you know?
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BEAR: I know the truth.
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BUMP ONNA LOG: You must not have heard all that I said. THAT is what the truth is.
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BEAR: It is possible that I did miss something. What do you think I might have missed? Do you remember what you said?
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BUMP ONNA LOG: See you admit it!! You weren’t listening. That’s what I mean, you never pay attention to anything I say. I told you to just ask those people I was talking to. They can tell you the right story. What? Do you think I was writing it all down while I was talking? I’m not picky like you. I don’t think too much about unimportant details.
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BEAR: But you were talking about me, in an untruthful disloyal way.
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BUMP ONNA LOG: That’s what I mean. Good grief! Why is THAT important? It’s just not any use trying to make sense out of what you say. No wonder they agree with me, you just don’t think like a normal person.
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Pause
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BEAR: Do you know why all turds are tapered? …. That is so your ass-hole won’t slam shut!! (Claps hands one sharp loud CLAP!! ) That is an important detail for you to think about.
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BUMP ONNA LOG: Yeah. Yeah. I guess. (Edges of lips twitch. Looks sideways and allows small smirking gloat. Opens refrigerator) This is what I came in for.
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This is a condensation of several real incidents from several different years and venues and incarnations of BUMP ONNA LOG. The scatological joke, however, I have told aloud. The CLAP does wonders for consciousness … changing … or identifying.
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Bear … 03.21.2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint
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5 comments on “6. CONVERSATIONS WITH BUMP ONNA LOG

  1. Outlier Babe says:

    Bump’s half of the conversation could have spouted from my sociopathic abusive ex. You do great dialogue, by the way.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lisa says:

    This one!!! This is the one that I remember. I use it all the time. Hahaha.

    Liked by 1 person

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