9. Conversations With Bump Onna Log

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BUMP ONNA LOG:  Look at that beggar with the sign that says “Homeless Veteran. Will work for food.”   They make a lot of money like that. Those lazy bums could pull themselves up by the bootstraps, but they don’t want to work.  Everybody should be like me.
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Bear … 05.21.2015
ⓒBearspawprint2015

BUMP ONNA LOG

 

 

7. CONVERSATIONS WITH BUMP ONNA LOG

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BEAR: I have been thinking about the beauty of the Golden Rule.

BUMP ONNA LOG: Don’t tell me about the Golden Rule. I already know the Golden Rule. I learned it in Sunday School. I know I can never be a perfect as you are, but I do follow the Golden Rule. Not like you, with your all the time yammering. I don’t go to church or profess my beliefs, but I do follow the Golden Rule. For example, I don’t talk to you because I don’t want you to be jabbering at me.

BEAR: I am so glad that you are keeping thoughts of goodness and reciprocity in the fore of your mind. The Golden Rule is an important premise of guidance for daily behavior. However, sometimes, I am concerned that, maybe, you don’t really want those closest to you to treat you as you treat them.

BUMP ONNA LOG: Well see, this how I know I am better than you. I don’t have  that misgiving.

I know that if I  treat MYSELF as I want others to treat me, then  I make it easy for everyone. Those close to me don’t have to decide if they want to share with me. They just do.  It all works out for the best.  I’m setting a good example of how to behave properly towards me.

I always make sure my own needs and my own wants are cared for first. I don’t have to think about it.  I KNOW that I am important, and that I am loved, so everyone wants ME to have what I want. If my family sacrifices for me to be able to do what I want, that is because I am helping them to be generous by just taking the best and biggest, the heart out of the middle, first. That way nobody has to be concerned about it or worry about if they are sharing enough with me.  And I don’t have to be concerned if I am fair or too greedy, because I always have what I want, and sharing the rest (well, if there is any) is easy.

I wouldn’t want anything if, on some level, I didn’t NEED it. If I want it, I NEED it. So it is, by my rights, owed to me. I follow the rules, especially the Golden Rule. If there are any left-overs, that I am not saving for personal reasons, I’ll let those I want to know, know.  And if they can justify their begging to my satisfaction, of course I’ll dole out enough that I know I am still the better person. After all, I am the adult, I am a responsible person.

BEAR: Do you conceal largesse?

BUMP ONNA LOG: Of course. It is only sensible, I might want something tomorrow!! I have my own ongoing needs, so it is only wise to be prepared. I’m doing my family a favor by keeping their begging to a minimum. That way I don’t have to constantly be reminded of chronic problems, and they don’t have to be humiliated.

BEAR: I don’t think I can talk about The Golden Rule with you, just now.

BUMP ONNA LOG: Good.  You talk in gibberish, anyway.  Blah blah blah with all your busy-body nosy questions.

Bear … 04.28.2014

ⓒ Bearspawprint 2014

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Matthew 7:12 KJV
12 Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.

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Golden Rule – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

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6. CONVERSATIONS WITH BUMP ONNA LOG

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BEAR: I heard what you said, yesterday, to the group. That story was wrong.
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BUMP ONNA LOG: There you go again, mountains out of mole hills. I wasn’t talking to you anyway. It’s none of your business what I say to MY friends and MY relatives.
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BEAR: But I was standing in the group.
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BUMP ONNA LOG: You already know what happened, so I was telling them.
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BEAR: But I know the true story. I know what really happened.
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BUMP ONNA LOG: So why didn’t you tell it?
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BEAR: The way it really is?
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BUMP ONNA LOG: It is the way I said. I said it didn’t I? All of those people agree with me. Ask any of them, they will tell you YOU are wrong.
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BEAR: But they don’t know.
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BUMP ONNA LOG: They know what I told them. That’s good enough. I said it, so it must be that way. You weren’t even a part of the conversation. What do you know?
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BEAR: I know the truth.
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BUMP ONNA LOG: You must not have heard all that I said. THAT is what the truth is.
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BEAR: It is possible that I did miss something. What do you think I might have missed? Do you remember what you said?
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BUMP ONNA LOG: See you admit it!! You weren’t listening. That’s what I mean, you never pay attention to anything I say. I told you to just ask those people I was talking to. They can tell you the right story. What? Do you think I was writing it all down while I was talking? I’m not picky like you. I don’t think too much about unimportant details.
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BEAR: But you were talking about me, in an untruthful disloyal way.
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BUMP ONNA LOG: That’s what I mean. Good grief! Why is THAT important? It’s just not any use trying to make sense out of what you say. No wonder they agree with me, you just don’t think like a normal person.
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Pause
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BEAR: Do you know why all turds are tapered? …. That is so your ass-hole won’t slam shut!! (Claps hands one sharp loud CLAP!! ) That is an important detail for you to think about.
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BUMP ONNA LOG: Yeah. Yeah. I guess. (Edges of lips twitch. Looks sideways and allows small smirking gloat. Opens refrigerator) This is what I came in for.
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This is a condensation of several real incidents from several different years and venues and incarnations of BUMP ONNA LOG. The scatological joke, however, I have told aloud. The CLAP does wonders for consciousness … changing … or identifying.
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Bear … 03.21.2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint
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5. CONVERSATIONS WITH BUMP ONNA LOG

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BEAR:   Bump Onna Log, I forgive you….
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BUMP ONNA LOG:   What for? I didn’t do anything.
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BEAR:   … and I forgive you for not apologizing …
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BUMP ONNA LOG:   Just forget it. It’s water under the bridge.
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Bear:   I would feel a little bit better though, if you did apologize and …
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BUMP ONNA LOG:   But there’s nothin’ for me to be sorry for. I didn’t do anything to be sorry about.
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Bear:    I forgive you anyway ..
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BUMP ONNA LOG:    I wasn’t aware that I did anything … You just exaggerate everything! You never listen to a word I say! (turning and starting to walk away) Mutter, mutter, mumble, heifer, mumble…
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BEAR:    (hurrying to catch up and get in line of sight) I’m sorry, I was trying to listen, but I just didn’t hear what you said when you turned your back and walked away. Were you talking to me?
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BUMP ONNA LOG:   What’s the use of even trying, you don’t ever pay attention, and that’s all your imagination!!
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BEAR:   But I do want to know what you want to say to me.
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BUMP ONNA LOG:    I don’t want to say anything! Now quit throwing it in my face! I told you, that is all your imagination. Bygones are bygones. Let it alone! There is just no pleasing you! (Turns to walk in a different direction) mutter mutter … I have to … mutter mutter… mutter work … mutter put up with … mumble …. inaudible
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BEAR:    Do you want me to know what you are saying?  I  am able to  hear a word hear /here   (starts to giggle) and here …..
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BUMP ONNA LOG:  You always make an argument out of everything ….
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BEAR: ( unable to stifle laughter) hahahahaha
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BUMP ONNA LOG: You know …  You are just crazy.!! (Waves arms, stomps away.  Finds important busy work to do.)
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Bear …  03.01.2014

ⓒ Bearspawprint
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Please remember BUMP ONNA LOG is a composite persona spouting comments and conversations overheard or listened to over the years in shops, schools, in offices, and sometimes in actual people’s homes. The conversation progression has actually occurred. The real BUMP ONNA LOG inspiration(s) does often actually use the same phrases in response to multiple interactions.   BEAR is sometimes merely an amused eavesdropper, rather than an actual participant.  Sometimes BEAR is a participant AND an amused  eavesdropper.   You, Dear Reader, may recognize yourself or someone you know … really!!  You might be BEAR or your might be BUMP ONNA LOG or you might be parts of both.    I do hope that you find the absurd as amusing as I do.    Out of actual context, anyway.  Hahahahaha
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ⓒ Bearspawprint
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4. CONVERSATIONS WITH BUMP ONNA LOG

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BEAR:  Do you like this? (indicating a particular hand made item)
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BUMP ONNA LOG: (frowning, looking away, harsh tones) So!! It’s gonna be one of THOSE days!!
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BEAR:  (moving around to be in line of sight)  Are you just politely telling me, by not acknowledging receipt, that you prefer to not have these items that I make?  Many people don’t like this sort of thing and consider it frivolous clutter.  It is possible that you feel this way, also.  It is a lot of time consuming bother to make these for you to use, and if you are saying  “No thank you” with your silence, I would like to know. 
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BUMP ONNA LOG: (shooing hand gestures,  Starting to walk away)  I wasn’t aware there was anything I needed to respond to. 
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BEAR:  It is difficult for me to tell if you actually appreciate the effort that goes into the construction of these items, or if you would rather have commercially made similar things to use,  or perhaps you would just prefer to have the empty space, or …(observing glazed look in BUMP ONNA LOG’S EYES) I’ve slipped into “Wha wha wha wha….” again, haven’t I? 
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BUMP ONNA LOG: Yeah!!  You aren’t saying anything that makes any sense!!!  “Wha wha wha” is about right! You just go on and on and on ….
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BEAR:  Would it help if I asked short particular questions? 
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BUMP ONNA LOG:  I didn’t hear anything that needs answering!! (irritated, sitting down in swivel chair, crossing arms, turning away)
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BEAR:  “Do you like this?” is a specific question.
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BUMP OPNNA LOG:  There you go again!!!! Twisting everything I say!!! (goes out exterior door, shutting door firmly).
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Bear … 02.25.2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint
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1. Conversations With Bump Onna Log

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Bear: “I’m sure you didn’t hear me, because of the answer that you gave…”
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BUMP ONNA LOG: ” You did that on purpose!” frowning pouting face.
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Bear: “Did what on purpose?”
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BUMP ONNA LOG: “You asked it that way so I wouldn’t answer right.
I didn’t have no idea that you was goin’ to ask that. If I had known
what you was goin’ to say, I woulda heard it just fine!” Angry
accusing facial expression.
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Bear … 02.11.2014

ⓒ Bearspawprint
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