Something Has Changed

I have evaporated
Ephemeral floating
Outside of myself
For a moment
Even I have
Abandoned myself
I watch a hollow shell
Sitting aural migraine
Visual disturbances
Sitting 背座あ empty
Even I have
Abandoned myself
But watching
Through fog
Prismatic shimmer
Waiting waiting
Willing the pain
Into the ocean
Willing the pain
To go away
Even I have
Abandoned myself
Waiting to reenter
The center of pain
A body that shimmers
Blue all around
I am no more
Beauty all colors
Reluctant to be
I continue to rest
Just above a head
That is familiar
I am no more
Intense humming glorious
Outside of suffering
I am away
The weather is nice
My body sits alone
Even I have
Abandoned myself
My body sits 背座あ
Wisp of essence
Visits with trees
With Loa humming
Something is grateful
Something swirls
Sadly I return
I am myself
Something has changed.
Something has not changed.
Bear… 09.26.2014


8 comments on “Something Has Changed

  1. ksfinblog says:

    I am not Sherlock last time I checked. People with poor communication skills are generally interested in dealing with a wide amount of people that is usually required by a consultant. The bio is written by a professional and meant to be humorous and engaging; However it is not an invitation to be called mentally deficient, even with great affection.

    Checklist -Asperger Disorder

    Each item that applies to the child or adolescent should be checked off. Even items that only apply occasionally or to a mild degree should be recorded. The more items which apply to a child or adolescent that more likely is it that they have Asperger’s Disorder. However, it is important to remember that several other conditions have similar characteristics and that specialist assessment is necessary for formal diagnosis.

    ?Has few if any friends

    ?Seems to find it difficult to read social situations

    ?Makes inappropriate comments or does socially inappropriate things

    ?Seems unaware or disinterested in peer group pressure

    ?Often chooses solitary activities

    ?Does not initiate or join in games with other children

    ?Tries to make friends but is socially clumsy

    ?Does not initiate or join in games with other children

    ?Does not seek to share interest with others

    ?Does not understand the moral in stories or films


    Becomes very unsettled if something unexpected happens

    ?Needs a lot of preparation if routine has to be changes

    ?Does not really enjoy new experiences

    ?Unwilling to try new foods, clothes etc

    ?Does not enjoy surprises

    ?Insist on sticking to routines that are unnecessary eg bread must be cut a certain way


    ?Seem to find it hard to understand how other people are feeling

    ?Asks for explicit information about others ‘feeling eg ‘ Are you angry at me?’

    ?Seems ‘flat’ and expressionless when strong emotion is called for

    ?Gets very emotional over small issues

    ?Gets very anxious then this is not warranted


    ?Can only see things from his/her own point of view

    ?Expects others to read his/her mind


    Has poor eye contact (too little or too much)

    Poor judge of social distance eg. stand too close to others

    ?Is ‘wooden’ when cuddled

    ?Does not always understand facial expressions or gesture

    ?Finds it difficult to mime or to mimic others


    Has an intense and prolonged interest in a topic eg. trains, electrical circuits, pipes

    Has a fascination for facts and figures eg timetables, street directories, dates

    Has a preoccupation with parts of objects, how things work

    Obsessed by a particular book or computer game


    Is very pedantic and ‘speaks like a professor’

    Has an odd accent, people think he/she comes from overseas

    Has unusual intonation g. speaks in a loud monotone

    Often talks non stop regardless of whether listener is interested or not

    Uses idiosyncratic, old fashioned or odd patterns of speech

    Speech is repetitive

    Takes things very literally

    ?Does not understand jokes, puns or metaphors

    ?Reads very accurately but comprehension of what is read is poor


    Is physically clumsy

    Poor handwriting, immature drawing and untidy homework

    ?Unusually sensitive to textures of clothes or food, very sensitive to smells


    Flaps or twirls hands

    Has an unusual gait such as stiff legged walk or exaggerated arm movements when walking

    Likes to run in a set pattern eg. in circles or a particular route

    Runs on the spot, or twists especially when agitated


    • Oh MY! Aspies are NOT, as a group, mentally deficient. That is a myth. Some are, some aren’t, maybe even less deficient than the general population.

      The new DSM V has not done anyone any favors, not even therapists, by lumping too many phenomena under the one possible diagnosis. When in many instances, no diagnosis is needed at all, just some sympathy. A large portion of Aspies are intellectually gifted, even eligible for Mensa. You seem not merely gifted, but brilliant… but of course, I don’t really know.

      I have read the check list, before, and it is more applicable to those persons who are closer to Autism. That is the trouble with too broad a definition or consensus and too many wrong criteria that are often the symptoms of something else, imposed or expected, or even learned behaviors.

      This is all my own opinion, based on my own experiences and background.

      Many Aspies understand perfectly well what social skills are, in most social settings. They often have great insight in to people’s hidden motives and therefore do not care to be engaged in discourse with most insincere folk. Aspies are able to be good and loyal and compassionate friends and are often empathetic, so empathetic that they do not care for chit chat that means nothing and takes up time. Formalities performed as semi-rituals are less annoying than the dancing, dangerous evaluation of rough teens determining who is the more aggressive. Of course, every individual is unique and no one absolutely fits any list of criteria, except maybe a list of academic qualifications or list of other documentable accomplishments. Aspies are subject to all of the maladies that everyone else is, and all of the blessings, too. Aspies make excellent professionals in careers that require insight and decision making as well as entertainment and the arts. Aspies are just people, albeit with certain misunderstood tendencies.

      I am not a doctor or professional. I cannot provide professional medical or mental evaluations or services. I have been a para-professional with equivalent experience in several fields. I have had a great deal of personal experience, “behind the scenes” and in certain types of situations evaluations and interventions as an advocate for the well being of children, and quite a few others.

      Could be interpreted to mean early specialization. Aspies are often accelerated in their field of interest, attending classes with much older persons, doing research, often without guidance or help, and using vocabulary beyond the comprehension of age peers. This is NOT a fault, but does provide ample opportunity for age peers and bullies of all ages and all categories, an opportunity to exercise their own disorder set. Aspies are as diverse in their personal interests as the rest of humanity, but often know more about particular subject matter than other apparent peers. Aspies are as diverse in their sense of humor as everyone else and do understand puns and jokes and plays on words. Hurtful insulting jokes, such as racial jokes, are often not funny to Aspies and they do not care to encourage faulty thinking by laughing at ugliness or anything else about which children ore even adults do not have choices or which is harmful. Metaphor are only understandable to people who have the right background information. That applies to everyone.

      How many people are good at drawing? Or make themselves into athletes? Does everyone have to be a basketball player? Who has poor handwriting? Sensitive is bad, or is it merely a symptom of people not exposed to secondhand cigarette smoke, chemical cleaners, other pollutants? Or perhaps folk whose senses have survived epigenetic and environmental influences? Yet some aspies excel in various dance genre, martial arts, applied arts and various skilled crafts … probably in a statistical relationship following the general population. I do not know the stats, or even if any one has compiled them.

      Hand flapping is slipping into autism and auto-stimulation again. But everyone has characteristic gestures, depending on all sorts of factors. Who does not prefer to run where they know where they are going, and that it is OK to run there, and is reasonably safe so you can concentrate on the running, and whatever thoughts are (running) through your mind? The last one is something children do when wanting to escape. If a child in bullied by adults in positions of power, there can be damage that will present as PTSD or who knows what variety of symptoms… just like everyone else.

      Aspies do need and deserve as much love and compassion and indulgence and care from parents and family and educators as is possible … just as all children do. Too often children with gifts are labeled in hurtful ways, shunned, bullied, even punished, for what in another situation would be considered a blessing. Bright kids who don’t fit specific molds suffer, especially when they try to force themselves to be like all of the conflicting messages tell them to be.

      I am sorry to have used a term that has such unpleasant and wrong connotations for you. To me, it indicates, but ONLY indicates, a collection of experiences and hardships that might (or might not) be in common with a few other folk, who most likely find fault with that list, as well.

      I find the life agenda you describe quite beautiful. Thank you for wanting to make the world a more lovely comfortable place.

      All of the references to “investing” and “thinking like a millionaire” are not something I, personally, want to follow up on, nor discuss.

      At this point in my life, I am 65, am mostly a hermit, resting after my labors, and can be described as “That Eccentric Old Swamp Lady Poetess, Bear” 🙂 🙂
      Thank you for all that you have done.


  2. willowdot21 says:

    Everything is different everything is the same. 🙂



Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s