Friction Arcs

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It was a beautiful day
The sun shining golden
Glorious horizon
As Grandmother Moon
Rises in fullness
There are gatherings
And parties and meet-ups
Quiet visits
And wild jamborees
Mortal bodies fail us
Pain prickles and stabs
Sorrow claims the stars
Despairing in solitude
Wailing in the darkness
Empty eons between
Wild flowers bloom
The sand drifts deeper
Blowing friction
Harmonics Dissonant
Lightening arcs
Cloud to nowhere
Within wavering time
There is no forgetfulness
.
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Bear … 04.28.2018
©Bearspawprint2018

Lost

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.
Not here
No hope
No good
No understanding
Who can bear the rebirth of sorrow
Lost
.
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Agawela 02.28.2018
ⓒBearspawprint2018

Cold Truth

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I asked for truth.
As cooling flakes
Of snow,
Truth began to fall.
I danced as a child,
Asking for more.
More truth fell
Cold and icy covering
The pathway,
Covering landmarks,
Filling crevices.
More I cried,
I want more truth.
I want all truth,
No fantasies!
I am strong
I am bold I cried,
I can heal from truth.
It is the not knowing
That eats at my heart.
It is the doubts
That pour acid in my gut.
The truth fell faster
All around me.
It is I
That is doubt.
The acid is
Myself.
I was soon blinded
By the white
Snowing truth.
Naked in truth
I learned
I am
Not strong.
I cannot
Tolerate truth.
I am
Buried in truth.
Frozen solid by
Cold hard truth
It is I who am
A horror.
I am a destroyer,
Killing with truth.
Cold and frozen
I am grief.
I have
Flown from
This mountain
Of snow covered woe.
Still truth swirls
All around building
Precarious waves and
Curls, beautiful
And terrifying,
Stark with power
With danger.
And then all
Illusions let go.
An avalanche of
Unstoppable, unbearable
Truth.
More coldness growing,
A roar sounding as
Wailing anguish
Screams unstoppable grief.
A white world of despair
Rushing down obliterating
Trees, homes, sorrow,
Love, memory, tomorrow,
Destroying hope,
Goodness, youth and beauty.
Truth, cold hard truth
I want for truth
To be unreal.
I am much less than
I imagined myself.
I have said the unforgivable,
And been forgiven.
I have done the unforgivable,
And been forgiven.
I am ugly and unlovable,
Yet I have been loved.
And now, in an avalanche
Of begged for truth,
I find myself destroying
The goodness around me.
I find myself frozen
And buried.
I am lost.
I am calling
For the hot bitter wind
Of my fantasy self
To blow this truth away.
Myself revealed,
What shall be seen?
I am afraid.
I threw myself
Off the mountain
In the storm
Of truth.
I do not know
This true person
That I am.
The familiar
Fantasy is gone.
I forced
Truth that
Is too much.
I have awakened
To find I can
See nothing.
I understand
Nothing.
I am too cold
To warm myself.
I am too cold
To Forgiveness
And love
Have been
Buried
In truth.
I am worse
Than dead.
I am now no more
Than a monster,
I am cold, so cold.
I am dead bones.
I am regret.
I am afraid.
I am alone.
Truth is
Indifferent.
Truth is cold.
.
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Bear … 11.20.2015
ⓒBearspawprint2015
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Helpless Condolence

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With tears
Freshened
By new grief,
I write letters
Of condolence
To two widows
Newly created
From beautiful wives.
.
Older sorrows,
That should
Never have been
Cut through,
Keen, too sharp,
The unbearable blade
Of children lost.
Dices sanity
Into a puzzle
Of chaos.
.
And now, also
The wretched
Men they loved.
Too late,
Those Fathers
Can never say,
“I’m sorry”.
Now all debts
Are paid,
But also
Promises
Are forever
Unfilled.
.
And the living,
Must live,
And say,
“Really, it’s alright.
I am fine”
.
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Bear … 01.13.2015
ⓒBearspawprint2015
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Continue reading

Bitter Yellow Sorrow

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Oh bitter yellow sorrow

Of pain and death and bile.

The Death Watch has begun.

In his Hundred Years of living

He never said “I’m sorry”.

I told him  “I forgive you”

I said “I thank you for

All you have done.”

But Papa* never said

“I’m sorry”

Never said “It was me,

I am the one.”

Not Papa. No, not my Papa.

In One Hundred Years

He never said “I’m sorry.”

And now the Death Watch

Has begun.

He lived a life of

Gentle kindness …

And deceitful nasty guile.

I am filled with a

Bitter yellow sorrow

Of pain and death and bile.

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*Bear’s note:  Papa was my step-father