I Am Not

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What is that
That is eating me
My own nerves
Chewing through
My skin biting
Going out and
Gouging going in
Dis-aesthesia’s
Tattooed arabesque
.
What is
This darkness
That slides
Down the wall
Wilting flowers
Growing mildew
In my books
All words replaced
With landscapes
Confused with corruption
.
Veiled curtains
Rotting as I watch
Do I truly want
To see beyond
Silvered mirrors
Flake away
Revealing reflected
Shadowed faces
Almost unseen
Uncaring of wild
Tangled hair
.
Unnoticed settling
Heavy in my heart
The weary darkness
Bathes me
In rivers of nettles
My body dances
A jigging cramping reel
Spastic leaps
Escaping from myself
Macabre’ stars
I am not
.
Each half thought
Letter by letter
Dragged heavy
With sticky mud
Unwashed dropped
Just outside
In night again
I am not
.
What is gone
Something
There was
Something
That was here
Just before
I flew through
The missing roof
I was here
Balanced comfortable
On the cross beams
.
I am not
.
My self traded
For muddy letters
Discarded
.
I am gone
My body is hollow
A shell of pain
There is no one here
I am not
.
Shall spring arrive
Draped in black
Bees swarming
Eternal night
Hives empty
Black carpenter
Ants constructing
Termite wars
.
Merely
It is that
I am not
In my place
A fire burns
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Bear … 01.04.2015
ⓒBearspawprint2015
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Summoning Granny Magic

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From where
May I
Summon energy?
My body
Has none.
.
Nerve fatigue
Overwhelms.
I am running
In deficit.
.
Sometimes
Effort,
Beyond my
Capabilities,
Is required.
.
I must borrow
From tomorrow.
.
The Chi is
Becoming equalized
Within my body,
And surrounding.
.
I must evoke
A great deal
Of Granny Magic.
.
I am grateful.
The Magic
Is possible.
.
This long day
Will become
A happy memory.
.
The morrow
Of returns
Will come
Soon enough.
.
Today,
A small child
Is expecting
Her Granny,
With open arms.
.
Granny Magic
Turns everything
Into love filled fun.
Children know.
.
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Bear … 09.02.2014
ⓒBearspawprint 2014

Drudge of Joy

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What can I do?
There is nothing.
I can only begin
The start of almost,
Then all energy is depleted.
I initiate the end
Without ever beginning.
Spirit must fill the void.
Spirit must force my body
To clear away the dangers.
My shame is in weariness.
My strength fails me.
Where is the will?
Sometimes effort
Makes no difference.
Too much is damaged.
Too much is lost.
Too much.
So now I begin again,
Feast preparations.
For the children
And the children’s children,
I am a drudge of joy.
The joy is real,
The work a torment.
Perhaps again the
Punishment can be delayed.
Please let it be so.
How can I allow collapse
With so much expectation?
The dread is real,
The flares of electric agony
Are real also.
Pain is exhausting without
Relief for rest.
Distraction is the relief.
Words written to myself
My resting peace.
May this peace be enough.
Please let it be so.
I am a drudge of joy.
.
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Bear … 04.04.2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint
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Ballet of Mud

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The weight of mud
The weight of yesterday
The weight of flesh
The weight of desire
The weight of generations
The weight of tomorrow
The weight of now
The weight of effort
The weight of mud
The weight of love
The weight of no hope
The weight of pain
The weight of no resolution
The weight of silence
The weight of pride
The weight of loss
The weight of memory
The weight of mud
The weight of death
The weight of death
The weight of death
The weight of death
The weight of mud
Thinking in mud
Breathing mud
Heart pumping mud
Swallowing mud
Dancing in mud
Heavy so heavy
This weary death in mud
Heavy beyond movement
Will the needed power
More work to do
There is so much more
More love to say
More music to play
Another dance
Another song
Another chance
To learn to swim
In the gathering mud
The viscous clinging
Weight of mud
Swimming a ballet of mud
Heavy slow sedate
.
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Bear … 04.03.2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint
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SINKING

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THICK HEAVY DENSE
WADE IN BREATH
VISIBLE GRAVITY
MURKY OPAQUE TANGIBLE
EARTH’S CENTER CALLING
INWARD DOWN SLOWED
RESONANCE BEATING
BEATING WORKING HEAVY
SCHUMMAN SLOWING
SUB AUDIAL DARK
EACH HEAVY MOLECULE
BEARING EXTRA PARTICLES
UNSTABLE TOO HEAVY
ESSENTIAL FATIGUE
EACH FINGER UNBEARABLE
TOES OBESE DENSITY
LEGS LEADEN UNLIFTABLE
SHIKO USELESS
GROUND BODY ONE
VISCOS ELECTRIC
MUD OVERFLOWING
BRAIN FILLING VEINS
MERGING  GROUND NERVES
ROOTING FLESH EARTH
HEAVY BEYOND LIFTING
TIRED TIRED SO WEARY
SINK INTO SWAMP
PRESSURED WEIGHT BELOW
LEVEL OF SEAS
LEY SLOWED POOLING
NERVES OF MUSH
COHESIVE MURK
BEYOND LETHARGY
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.
SILENCE SHRIEKS 
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Bear … 02.23.2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint

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CUSTODIAN OF COMFORT

 

THE CUSTODIAN OF COMFORT IS A STINGY S.O.B.