Drudge of Joy

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What can I do?
There is nothing.
I can only begin
The start of almost,
Then all energy is depleted.
I initiate the end
Without ever beginning.
Spirit must fill the void.
Spirit must force my body
To clear away the dangers.
My shame is in weariness.
My strength fails me.
Where is the will?
Sometimes effort
Makes no difference.
Too much is damaged.
Too much is lost.
Too much.
So now I begin again,
Feast preparations.
For the children
And the children’s children,
I am a drudge of joy.
The joy is real,
The work a torment.
Perhaps again the
Punishment can be delayed.
Please let it be so.
How can I allow collapse
With so much expectation?
The dread is real,
The flares of electric agony
Are real also.
Pain is exhausting without
Relief for rest.
Distraction is the relief.
Words written to myself
My resting peace.
May this peace be enough.
Please let it be so.
I am a drudge of joy.
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Bear … 04.04.2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint
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