Night Shadow

Thunder rolls 
I fade 
Into shadow 
Away in
Night rain 
In the scent 
Of exotic
White Flowers
Rolling thunder
Carries me 
I am heavy
An echo 
Growing distant
My whispers
Are rumbling 
Waves resonating 
Into flowing 
Night shadow
Agawela  27May2022

Cold Truth

I asked for truth.
As cooling flakes
Of snow,
Truth began to fall.
I danced as a child,
Asking for more.
More truth fell
Cold and icy covering
The pathway,
Covering landmarks,
Filling crevices.
More I cried,
I want more truth.
I want all truth,
No fantasies!
I am strong
I am bold I cried,
I can heal from truth.
It is the not knowing
That eats at my heart.
It is the doubts
That pour acid in my gut.
The truth fell faster
All around me.
It is I
That is doubt.
The acid is
I was soon blinded
By the white
Snowing truth.
Naked in truth
I learned
I am
Not strong.
I cannot
Tolerate truth.
I am
Buried in truth.
Frozen solid by
Cold hard truth
It is I who am
A horror.
I am a destroyer,
Killing with truth.
Cold and frozen
I am grief.
I have
Flown from
This mountain
Of snow covered woe.
Still truth swirls
All around building
Precarious waves and
Curls, beautiful
And terrifying,
Stark with power
With danger.
And then all
Illusions let go.
An avalanche of
Unstoppable, unbearable
More coldness growing,
A roar sounding as
Wailing anguish
Screams unstoppable grief.
A white world of despair
Rushing down obliterating
Trees, homes, sorrow,
Love, memory, tomorrow,
Destroying hope,
Goodness, youth and beauty.
Truth, cold hard truth
I want for truth
To be unreal.
I am much less than
I imagined myself.
I have said the unforgivable,
And been forgiven.
I have done the unforgivable,
And been forgiven.
I am ugly and unlovable,
Yet I have been loved.
And now, in an avalanche
Of begged for truth,
I find myself destroying
The goodness around me.
I find myself frozen
And buried.
I am lost.
I am calling
For the hot bitter wind
Of my fantasy self
To blow this truth away.
Myself revealed,
What shall be seen?
I am afraid.
I threw myself
Off the mountain
In the storm
Of truth.
I do not know
This true person
That I am.
The familiar
Fantasy is gone.
I forced
Truth that
Is too much.
I have awakened
To find I can
See nothing.
I understand
I am too cold
To warm myself.
I am too cold
To Forgiveness
And love
Have been
In truth.
I am worse
Than dead.
I am now no more
Than a monster,
I am cold, so cold.
I am dead bones.
I am regret.
I am afraid.
I am alone.
Truth is
Truth is cold.
Bear … 11.20.2015

Helpless Condolence

With tears
By new grief,
I write letters
Of condolence
To two widows
Newly created
From beautiful wives.
Older sorrows,
That should
Never have been
Cut through,
Keen, too sharp,
The unbearable blade
Of children lost.
Dices sanity
Into a puzzle
Of chaos.
And now, also
The wretched
Men they loved.
Too late,
Those Fathers
Can never say,
“I’m sorry”.
Now all debts
Are paid,
But also
Are forever
And the living,
Must live,
And say,
“Really, it’s alright.
I am fine”
Bear … 01.13.2015

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