Never Closer

.
.
Push and pull
Never closer than
Auras allow
Never closer than
Opposing poles
Never closer than
Swirling yin and dancing yang
Never closer than
Fury allows
Never closer than
Forgiveness allows
Forever never closer
I cast myself away
Forever never closer
Lost all alone
.
.
Bear … o9.08.2015
ⓒBearspawprint2015
.
.

The Wind Has Stopped

.
.
My breath is
Poisoned darkness.
.
The wind has stopped.
I do not fly nor fall.
.
I am suspended,
Writhing in ceramic wool.
.
Anguish blanks
My reason.
.
My song screams fury
And endless pain.
.
I cannot forgive
The guiltless.
.
I swallow fear.
I swallow lightening.
.
.
Bear … 06.06.2015
ⓒBearspawprint2015

You May Not Come With Me

.
.
I forgive you
It all no
Longer matters
.
Through
Endless eons
I shall
Never forget
And you
Shall never
Know
.
Do I love
You still
Or no
.
If I hurt
Forever
It is of
No concern
.
There are
Places
You can
Never know
.
There are
Places
You can
Never go
.
I forgive you
For your
Judgments
Made in fear
Of the
Unknown
Hidden behind
Maligning
And betrayal
.
You have not
Yet seen me
You have
Dressed me in
Seven veils
Of illusion
Shimmering
Wavering
They flicker
In the space
Between us
.
Seven veils
Conceal
Hopeless love
And naked need
Seven Veils
Flutter
Covering
Flesh with
Shadows
And time
.
One veil is guilt
One veil is selfish
One veil is fear
One veil is denial
One veil is hubris
One veil is the unknown
One veil is betrayal
That cannot
Be thrown aside
I take all seven
To dance my
Path into being
.
I am as I am
I am lost
This is not
Important
.
I asked
When I
Was young
When I
Had the hubris
To think
I could carry
This load
Alone
I humbly
Begged
For more
Strength
.
This burden
That I carry
Has broken
My self
My heart
My body
Please allow
That I become
So old
That I
Do not care
.
I am here now
I no longer care
That I cry
An old woman’s
Bitter tears
.
I forgive you
That you don’t
Know why
Is no longer
Of importance
.
Through
Endless eons
I shall
Never forget
And you
Shall never
Know
.
Do I love
You still
Or no
.
This is of
No matter
.
There are
Places
You can
Never know
.
There are
Places
You can
Never go
.
You are
Gone from
My heart
.
This is your
Benediction
.
I shall
Observe you
With detachment
You are free
You do not
Understand
You have
No guilt
I take
It all
.
Your guilt
Is twined
In mine
Indivisible
I see it
You do not
Awareness
Makes it mine
.
There are
Places
You can
Never know
.
There are
Places
You can
Never go
.
This weaving
Is all mine
Our hopeless
Entanglement
Has become
The permanent
Pattern
.
I am broken
It is nothing
.
What was we
Does not matter
.
Through the
Endless eons
I shall
Never forget
And you
Shall never
Know
.
Do I love
You still
Or no
.
If I hurt
Forever
It is
To you of
No consequence
.
There are
Places
You can
Never know
.
There are
Places
You can
Never go
.
You can
Not come
With me
I am on
This path
Alone
.
Bear … 10.19.2014
ⓒBearspawprint2014
.
.

Behavior

.
.
Forgiveness of past
Does not absolve the future
Behave with honor
.
.
Bear … 07.06.2014
ⓒBearspawprint 2014
.
.

It All Lingers

.
Honor requires that
Reparations must be made
History lingers
.
.
Bear … 07.06.2014
ⓒBearspawprint 2014.
.
.

Again. Swallow.

.
.
Daily, minute by minute,
Second, by second,
Forgiveness requires
Renewal. Over and over,
Yes, let it pass,
Again. Yes, let it go,
Again. Say nothing,
Again. Swallow.
Eat the yellow bile.
.
Let the words not
Pass one’s lips.
Take the consequences
Into the self.
Swallow yellow bitterness.
.
Daily, minute by minute,
Second, by second,
Forgiveness requires
Renewal. Over and over,
Yes, let it pass,
Again. Yes, let it go,
Again. Say nothing,
Again. Swallow.
Eat the yellow bile.

Forgiveness only
Gives relief to
The transgressor.
The words of revenge
Crave cursed release.
.
Daily, minute by minute,
Second, by second,
Forgiveness requires
Renewal. Over and over,
Yes, let it pass,
Again. Yes, let it go,
Again. Say nothing,
Again. Swallow.
Eat the yellow bile.
.
Such a relief it would be,
To speak the unspeakable.
Kindness requires
They be swallowed,
Compassion absorbs.
.
Daily, minute by minute,
Second, by second,
Forgiveness requires
Renewal. Over and over,
Yes, let it pass,
Again. Yes, let it go,
Again. Say nothing,
Again. Swallow.
Eat the yellow bile.
.
Forgiveness takes
Responsibility for
All of it. Forgiveness
Absorbs the guilt,
Whether felt or not.
.
Daily, minute by minute,
Second, by second,
Forgiveness requires
Renewal. Over and over,
Yes, let it pass,
Again. Yes, let it go,
Again. Say nothing,
Again. Swallow.
Eat the yellow bile.
.
Forgiveness endures
The pain, silent.
Forgiveness consumes
Love, swallowed
With the unspoken.
.
Daily, minute by minute,
Second, by second,
Forgiveness requires
Renewal. Over and over,
Yes, let it pass,
Again. Yes, let it go,
Again. Say nothing,
Again. Swallow.
Eat the yellow bile.
.
All blended together.
Forgiven with love,
Vengeance swallowed,
With love. Responsibility,
Wrong half-way gestures, swallowed.
.
Daily, minute by minute,
Second, by second,
Forgiveness requires
Renewal. Over and over,
Yes, let it pass,
Again. Yes, let it go,
Again. Say nothing,
Again. Swallow.
Eat the yellow bile.
.
Swallow all that has been
Transformed by remembrance
Into the yellow bitter,
Daily forgiveness renewed,
Every memory tainted, bitter.
.
Daily, minute by minute,
Second, by second,
Forgiveness requires
Renewal. Over and over,
Yes, let it pass,
Again. Yes, let it go,
Again. Say nothing,
Again. Swallow.
Eat the yellow bile.
.
Everyday another consequence,
Every second of every
Night part of the sequence,
New moments self creating
Endless perpetuation.
.
Daily, minute by minute,
Second, by second,
Forgiveness requires
Renewal. Over and over,
Yes, let it pass,
Again. Yes, let it go,
Again. Say nothing,
Again. Swallow.
Eat the yellow bile.
.
Forgiveness for what
Cannot be undone,
Forgiveness for what
Cannot be unsaid,
Forgive the forgotten.
.
Daily, minute by minute,
Second, by second,
Forgiveness requires
Renewal. Over and over,
Yes, let it pass,
Again. Yes, let it go,
Again. Say nothing,
Again. Swallow.
Eat the yellow bile.
.
Pretense has no power.
All has been swallowed,
The bitter bile, the love,
The responsibility never
Accepted, love words.
.
Daily, minute by minute,
Second, by second,
Forgiveness requires
Renewal. Over and over,
Yes, let it pass,
Again. Yes, let it go,
Again. Say nothing,
Again. Swallow.
Eat the yellow bile.
.
Swallowed, the hope not there.
Forgive, though never asked.
Forgive with compassion.
Relieve guilt, though gilded
With hypocrisy and lies.
.
Daily, minute by minute,
Second, by second,
Forgiveness requires
Renewal. Over and over,
Yes, let it pass,
Again. Yes, let it go,
Again. Say nothing,
Again. Swallow.
Eat the yellow bile.
.
Daily, minute by minute,
Second, by second,
Forgiveness requires
Renewal. Over and over,
Yes, let it pass,
Again. Yes, let it go,
Again. Say nothing,
Again. Swallow.
Eat the yellow bile.
.
That I have swallowed it all,
Is not your fault.
I swallowed the lies.
I swallowed forgiveness.
I swallowed our love.
.
.
Bear … 05.14.2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint 2014
.
.

5. CONVERSATIONS WITH BUMP ONNA LOG

.
.
BEAR:   Bump Onna Log, I forgive you….
.
BUMP ONNA LOG:   What for? I didn’t do anything.
.
BEAR:   … and I forgive you for not apologizing …
.
BUMP ONNA LOG:   Just forget it. It’s water under the bridge.
.
Bear:   I would feel a little bit better though, if you did apologize and …
.
BUMP ONNA LOG:   But there’s nothin’ for me to be sorry for. I didn’t do anything to be sorry about.
.
Bear:    I forgive you anyway ..
.
BUMP ONNA LOG:    I wasn’t aware that I did anything … You just exaggerate everything! You never listen to a word I say! (turning and starting to walk away) Mutter, mutter, mumble, heifer, mumble…
.
BEAR:    (hurrying to catch up and get in line of sight) I’m sorry, I was trying to listen, but I just didn’t hear what you said when you turned your back and walked away. Were you talking to me?
.
BUMP ONNA LOG:   What’s the use of even trying, you don’t ever pay attention, and that’s all your imagination!!
.
BEAR:   But I do want to know what you want to say to me.
.
BUMP ONNA LOG:    I don’t want to say anything! Now quit throwing it in my face! I told you, that is all your imagination. Bygones are bygones. Let it alone! There is just no pleasing you! (Turns to walk in a different direction) mutter mutter … I have to … mutter mutter… mutter work … mutter put up with … mumble …. inaudible
.
BEAR:    Do you want me to know what you are saying?  I  am able to  hear a word hear /here   (starts to giggle) and here …..
.
BUMP ONNA LOG:  You always make an argument out of everything ….
.
BEAR: ( unable to stifle laughter) hahahahaha
.
BUMP ONNA LOG: You know …  You are just crazy.!! (Waves arms, stomps away.  Finds important busy work to do.)
.
.
Bear …  03.01.2014

ⓒ Bearspawprint
.
Please remember BUMP ONNA LOG is a composite persona spouting comments and conversations overheard or listened to over the years in shops, schools, in offices, and sometimes in actual people’s homes. The conversation progression has actually occurred. The real BUMP ONNA LOG inspiration(s) does often actually use the same phrases in response to multiple interactions.   BEAR is sometimes merely an amused eavesdropper, rather than an actual participant.  Sometimes BEAR is a participant AND an amused  eavesdropper.   You, Dear Reader, may recognize yourself or someone you know … really!!  You might be BEAR or your might be BUMP ONNA LOG or you might be parts of both.    I do hope that you find the absurd as amusing as I do.    Out of actual context, anyway.  Hahahahaha
.

ⓒ Bearspawprint
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Bitter Yellow Sorrow

***

***

***

Oh bitter yellow sorrow

Of pain and death and bile.

The Death Watch has begun.

In his Hundred Years of living

He never said “I’m sorry”.

I told him  “I forgive you”

I said “I thank you for

All you have done.”

But Papa* never said

“I’m sorry”

Never said “It was me,

I am the one.”

Not Papa. No, not my Papa.

In One Hundred Years

He never said “I’m sorry.”

And now the Death Watch

Has begun.

He lived a life of

Gentle kindness …

And deceitful nasty guile.

I am filled with a

Bitter yellow sorrow

Of pain and death and bile.

***

***

***

*Bear’s note:  Papa was my step-father