Cold Truth

.
I asked for truth.
As cooling flakes
Of snow,
Truth began to fall.
I danced as a child,
Asking for more.
More truth fell
Cold and icy covering
The pathway,
Covering landmarks,
Filling crevices.
More I cried,
I want more truth.
I want all truth,
No fantasies!
I am strong
I am bold I cried,
I can heal from truth.
It is the not knowing
That eats at my heart.
It is the doubts
That pour acid in my gut.
The truth fell faster
All around me.
It is I
That is doubt.
The acid is
Myself.
I was soon blinded
By the white
Snowing truth.
Naked in truth
I learned
I am
Not strong.
I cannot
Tolerate truth.
I am
Buried in truth.
Frozen solid by
Cold hard truth
It is I who am
A horror.
I am a destroyer,
Killing with truth.
Cold and frozen
I am grief.
I have
Flown from
This mountain
Of snow covered woe.
Still truth swirls
All around building
Precarious waves and
Curls, beautiful
And terrifying,
Stark with power
With danger.
And then all
Illusions let go.
An avalanche of
Unstoppable, unbearable
Truth.
More coldness growing,
A roar sounding as
Wailing anguish
Screams unstoppable grief.
A white world of despair
Rushing down obliterating
Trees, homes, sorrow,
Love, memory, tomorrow,
Destroying hope,
Goodness, youth and beauty.
Truth, cold hard truth
I want for truth
To be unreal.
I am much less than
I imagined myself.
I have said the unforgivable,
And been forgiven.
I have done the unforgivable,
And been forgiven.
I am ugly and unlovable,
Yet I have been loved.
And now, in an avalanche
Of begged for truth,
I find myself destroying
The goodness around me.
I find myself frozen
And buried.
I am lost.
I am calling
For the hot bitter wind
Of my fantasy self
To blow this truth away.
Myself revealed,
What shall be seen?
I am afraid.
I threw myself
Off the mountain
In the storm
Of truth.
I do not know
This true person
That I am.
The familiar
Fantasy is gone.
I forced
Truth that
Is too much.
I have awakened
To find I can
See nothing.
I understand
Nothing.
I am too cold
To warm myself.
I am too cold
To Forgiveness
And love
Have been
Buried
In truth.
I am worse
Than dead.
I am now no more
Than a monster,
I am cold, so cold.
I am dead bones.
I am regret.
I am afraid.
I am alone.
Truth is
Indifferent.
Truth is cold.
.
.
Bear … 11.20.2015
ⓒBearspawprint2015
.

YOUR BLIND FEET RETURN

.

RETURN  ⓒBearspawprint2015

RETURN ⓒBearspawprint2015

We see
.
Your blind feet
.
Return
.
We are dry
.
No memory
.
We are empty
.
Fiery anguish
.
Life forbidden
.
Mother speaks
.
Words unwanted
.
Dead turtles rattle
.
Dancing bones
.
Blessed circle
.
Garbage in dirt
.
Hearts desiccated
.
Blood red dust
.
Fools shuffle hop
.
Choking sacrifice
.
Unwanted
.
My Mother
.
Is me
.
We see
.
Your blind feet
.
Return
.
.
Bear … 02.03.2015
ⓒBearspawprint
.
.

Ugly Ugly Bitter Mad

.
.
Ugly
Ugly
Bitter
Mad
.
Fury at my fate
Selfish selfish
Filled with hate
.
Ugly
Ugly
Bitter
Mad
.
The world gone wrong
Swamp cougar screams
My madness’ beauty song
.
Ugly
Ugly
Bitter
Mad
.
Always more hateful more
Human souls turned inside out
Excruciating tangled gore
.
Ugly
Ugly
Bitter
Mad
.
Death my lover in despair
Jigging leaps wild devil shadows
Drums guide beyond wasted care
.
Ugly
Ugly
Bitter
Mad
.
Bear … 01.04.2015
ⓒBearspawprint2015
.

Damned Am I

 

Darkness claims all color ⓒBearspawprint2014

Darkness claims all color ⓒBearspawprint2014

.
Damned are the living
.
And damned are the dead
.
Soon there will be no light
.
Creeping black overcomes red
.
All beauty and death
.
All madness and despair
.
Hidden out of sight
.
The drum beats on
.
In darkness and night
.
Damned am I
.
Bear … 01.04.2015
ⓒBearspawprint2015
.
.

Grand Auntie Jane

.
.
I know the Black Dog
That lives skulking in corners
That defecates in her chairs
Smearing faith across windows
With despairing dirty fear
.
And I know the abrasive raw
Flesh clawing bleeding fighting nasty
Closing in frantic must scratch out
Of witchy old woman’s crumbling body
Screaming hysteric desires … Oh Dear God!!!!
.
.
Bear …07.31.2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint 2014
.
.
.

Two (More)Young Tibetans Burn

Sometimes I think the quasi-offical Chinese response is that self-immolation saves the colonial government from the bother of prosecuting and torturing   the Tibetans, themselves..

Two Young Tibetans Burn

By:

December 9, 2012

Two Tibetan men self-immolated Saturday in separate protests against Chinese rule in Tibet, one of whom was a monk who called for the return of exiled spiritual leaders to the region, Tibetan sources said.

Kunchok Phelgyal, 24, a monk from Ngaba (in Chinese, Aba) Tibetan Autonomous Prefecture in China’s Sichuan province, and Pema Dorjee, a 23-year-old layman from Kanlho (Gannan) Tibetan Autonomous Prefecture in Gansu province perished in the acts.

Tibet claimsTibet claims

The new burnings were the 93rd and 94th Tibetan self-immolations since February 2009, when the fiery protests began.

“Today [Saturday], Kunchok Phelgyal, a monk of Sumdo Monastery in Dzoege (Ruo’ergai) county in Ngaba self-immolated around 5:20 p.m. against Chinese policy [in Tibet] and died,” two sources based in India’s Dharamsala hill town told RFA’s Tibetan Service.

They said the young monk had shouted out slogans while he sat with his hands folded in prayer after setting himself alight.

“He called for the long life of the [Tibetan spiritual leader in exile] Dalai Lama, and his return to Tibet,” said Kanyak Tsering and Lobsang Yeshi of the Kirti Monastery in Dharamsala, citing a source inside Tibet.

“He also called for the return of Kirti Kyabgon Rinpoche [the exiled Head Lama of the Kirti Monastery in Ngaba],” they said.

The sources said Kunchok Phelgyal had also voiced hope for a “reunion of Tibetans both inside and outside of Tibet.”

“As he was being burnt in protest, the monks of the [Sumdo] Monastery gathered around his burning body and prayed,” they said.

“Thereafter, his body was moved to his room inside the monastery and several hundred monks conducted prayers for him.”

The young Kunchok Phelgyal had been studying Buddhist dialectics at the Taktsang Lhamo Kirti Monastery since 2010 as a visiting monk from the Sumdo Monastery.

“He is the son of Kunchok Kyab (father) and Dolma Tso (mother) of the Gonda Dewa nomadic village under Dringwa township, Dzoege county in Ngaba,” Kanyag Tsering and Lobsang Yeshi said.

“He has nine family members including his parents.”

Layman burning

Also on Saturday, layman Pema Dorjee self-immolated in front of the Shitsang Monastery in Kanlho’s Luchu (Luqu) county, a source inside of Tibet told RFA’s Tibetan Service, speaking on condition of anonymity.

“Pema Dorjee, who is just 23, set himself on fire and protested against the Chinese occupation of Tibet,” said the source.

“This happened around 4:35 p.m. [Saturay], right in front of the door to Shitsang Monastery in Luchu county in Gansu. He was reported dead following his act of self-immolation.”

The source said that Pema Dorjee had torched himself as several Tibetans were gathering at the monastery for Gaden Ngacho, a special lamp offering prayer session.

The layman was from Chokor village, located around 30 kilometers (19 miles) from Shitsang Monastery.

China policy

The two new burnings drew immediate condemnation from the London-based Free Tibet, with director Stephanie Brigden saying she had “grave concerns” for the welfare of Tibetans living in the townships where Saturday’s protests occurred.

“China has announced collective punishments it intends to mete out on communities where protests take place, and Free Tibet has documented, time and again, China’s flagrant violations of human rights, including the use of lethal force, during the uprising in Tibet,” she said in a statement.

“Tibetans continue to call for freedom, despite the cost. It is beyond time for the world to take decisive action for Tibet.”

The protests follow a statement earlier this week by Maria Otero, the U.S. State Department’s Special Coordinator for Tibetan Issues, who said Washington was “deeply concerned and saddened” by the increasing frequency of Tibetan self-immolations.

“Chinese authorities have responded to these tragic incidents with measures that tighten already strict controls on freedoms of religion, expression, assembly and association of Tibetans,” she said.

“Official rhetoric that denigrates the Tibetan language, the Dalai Lama, and those who have self-immolated has further exacerbated tensions.”

Otero said that Beijing must address policies causing discontent in Tibetan areas, including controls on Tibetan Buddhist religious practice, education practices that undermine the Tibetan language, and the surveillance, arbitrary detention and disappearances of Tibetans.

Since late October, officials have responded to the burning protests by punishing the families and communities of protestors, characterizing immolations as criminal offenses, arresting those associated with the self-immolators, and deploying paramilitary forces and restricting communications and travel in areas where the protests have occurred.

Reported by Lobsang Sherab, Guru Choegyi, and Lumbum Tashi for RFA’s Tibetan Service. Translated by Karma Dorjee. Written in English by Joshua Lipes.