I Am Not

.
.
What is that
That is eating me
My own nerves
Chewing through
My skin biting
Going out and
Gouging going in
Dis-aesthesia’s
Tattooed arabesque
.
What is
This darkness
That slides
Down the wall
Wilting flowers
Growing mildew
In my books
All words replaced
With landscapes
Confused with corruption
.
Veiled curtains
Rotting as I watch
Do I truly want
To see beyond
Silvered mirrors
Flake away
Revealing reflected
Shadowed faces
Almost unseen
Uncaring of wild
Tangled hair
.
Unnoticed settling
Heavy in my heart
The weary darkness
Bathes me
In rivers of nettles
My body dances
A jigging cramping reel
Spastic leaps
Escaping from myself
Macabre’ stars
I am not
.
Each half thought
Letter by letter
Dragged heavy
With sticky mud
Unwashed dropped
Just outside
In night again
I am not
.
What is gone
Something
There was
Something
That was here
Just before
I flew through
The missing roof
I was here
Balanced comfortable
On the cross beams
.
I am not
.
My self traded
For muddy letters
Discarded
.
I am gone
My body is hollow
A shell of pain
There is no one here
I am not
.
Shall spring arrive
Draped in black
Bees swarming
Eternal night
Hives empty
Black carpenter
Ants constructing
Termite wars
.
Merely
It is that
I am not
In my place
A fire burns
.
.
Bear … 01.04.2015
ⓒBearspawprint2015
.
.

Safe ——- by Bear

That “I wasn’t aware”

Does not mean I do not care.

It’s merely that

Your burden is not mine to bear.

My own back is stiff

But not in pain, certainly not the agony

You purport yours to be.

*******

*******

That you live in misery

Is plain for me to see.

If I suggest “Why don’t you go

Back in your little room?”

It isn’t really fate and doom.

I merely prefer to not see

What you have come to be.

*******

 *******

If you have movement issues

And stagger and fall,

I’ll assume and accuse

“Too many pills won’t cure all ills.”

Even though I know you

No longer have any meds at all.

*******

*******

But if you cry in despair

As your sting-nettle skin

Burns with electric sizzles in the air

And I say

“Can’t you just take a pill and feel better?”

Even though I do know you

No longer have any meds at all.

*******

 *******

When the Jinn pull your hair

And whisper curses in your ear,

Alien words that I will never hear,

It doesn’t mean that

I don’t care

It’s merely what I prefer,

When I say  “I wasn’t aware.”

*******

*******

So if you love me

Go.

Hide your pain and misery.

Stay in your little room

Wallow alone in your damned

Doom and gloom

So what if your nerves are shot?

Please know that mine are not.

Don’t ask me for sympathy.

Go.  Let me be.

*******

*******

It’s not that I don’t care,

I just want to be safe when I say that

“I wasn’t aware.”

 *******

 *******

.