.
.
Slowly embracing
Growing old
Close together
Lives merge
While dreaming
Roots tangle
Searching
In darkness
For memories
Not shared
.
.
Bear … 04.04.2015
ⓒBearspawprint2015
.
The Slow Embrace ⓒBearspawprint2015 4.1.2015
.
.
.
For what cannot be
Deep sighs and a warming touch
Memories evoked
.
Bear … 12.09.2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint2014
.
.
I was trying
To remember,
What do I like?
.
Do I have a favorite
Color which has
Not yet been seen?
.
Is there an unknown
Flavor that is
Especially pleasant?
.
Is there a beverage,
Untasted, which
Is my favorite?
.
What activities
Would I pursue
If I had my druthers?
.
I know that I dream
To live everywhere
That I have visited,
And I want to visit,
And live in,
The rest of this World.
.
It will require many
Lifetimes to live
That many possibilities.
I wanted to follow
All of the potentials.
.
But always the fateful
Coins told me:
Do not climb the
High mountain.
Do not cross the
Wide Ocean.
Be virtuous and
All will be well.
.
But I have climbed a few
High mountains, anyway.
And, I have even crossed
The Widest Ocean.
.
Everywhere I have been
Was the most beautiful
Place on Earth.
.
All of the people
Were the most
Interesting
And kindest
People on Earth.
.
Except for a few, here
And there, el pimiento.
.
When I was very young,
In my fantasies,
I was a nomad artist,
Poet, novelist, musician,
Weaver, artisan,
And I danced with
The Moon, and the Stars,
And with Trees, and with
Rivers, and Waterfalls, and
In Oceans, and in Lakes,
And clear crystal Springs.
I danced all around
The Mountains, the Gorgeous
Dry Mountains, and Green Verdant Mountains,
And Snowy Sky Mountains,
And Rocky Mountains,
And I danced in Valleys, and
Homes, and Gardens, and Fields,
And all across the Earth,
And always I danced in
The Hearts of my Lovers.
.
And now,
As a much
Older Woman,
As Agawela,
I dream
The same.
I wish
To revisit
Where I have
Been already
Or live
Another life
Within
This life
I have already
Lived. I wish
For more life.
.
How can there be
More life than life?
.
It is that
Bothersome
Fernweh again.
Away. Away.
I wish I were away.
.
And then away from
That place, too.
.
The Gift of Art,
Is that it is possible.
.
.
.
Bear …10.28.2014
ⓒBearspawprint2014
.
.
.
.
.
There is nothing there
Except more and more work
Their false remorse I must
Sooth away with platitudes of
False memory and forgiveness joy
I know sighted guide
I have the needed skills
To help the geriatric blind
I understand all too well
Helpless procrastination
I am able to debate and interpret
Their deep core faith though
I believe not piles of mealy mouth
Words while I hopelessly cook
Their food that I can not eat
Just for their pleasure
I can be the jolly punster
And soothingly joke as we
Struggle to get clean and clothed
And I do the laundry out of sight
But for me there is nothing
There except memory to avoid
And more work to do
And the hot house heat
Steaming the holes in my brain
Whether here or there
I am alone and my pain lives
Within me to travel along
Company to sooth my aloneness
My love is merely compassion
.
.
Bear …07.31.2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint 2014
.
.
Soon enough, my turn. With my bad attitude nobody will be able to tolerate me!!!
.
.
I know the Black Dog
That lives skulking in corners
That defecates in her chairs
Smearing faith across windows
With despairing dirty fear
.
And I know the abrasive raw
Flesh clawing bleeding fighting nasty
Closing in frantic must scratch out
Of witchy old woman’s crumbling body
Screaming hysteric desires … Oh Dear God!!!!
.
.
Bear …07.31.2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint 2014
.
.
.
.
.
To escape this mess
Which replenishes
Itself expanding
In exponential
Doubling lives
That kill
I shall interrupt
And digress
And drink coffee
And swing my feet
While sitting on
The bulldozed porch
Of your memory house
Or in the ashes
Of my ancient
Burned Tangerine Tree
Or relaxing reposed
In the Aspen Grove
That hides
Quaking shimmering
Under side-walks
And grocery stores
I shall speak to you
Or no one and jabber
Adult nonsense
Hello I am fine as
I pretend not to weep
You will recognize me
By the smile in my eyes
As I sit trapped
On the floor entralled
By children
Drowning in laughter
I cannot rise
Above such moments
Which are
Eternity preserved
.
Bear … July 2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint 2014
.
.
.
.
.
Why do I not swim?
Have I grown too old,
Too heavily burdened
With memory,
Memories of dancing
In these life waters?
I have become as flotsam,
Swept along by the beauty,
Flowing with words
That I swallow, choking.
Music fills my ears
So that I cannot hear
Your anguished cries.
The work, too constant,
Too strenuous has dragged
Me under in whirlpools
Of despairing fatigue,
While even love no
Longer sustains me.
Helpless, I am part
Of the rushing river,
I flow to the Ocean.
.
.
Bear … 06.13,2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint 2014
.
.
.
.
I paused for a moment
Just to catch my breath.
When I looked away,
The seasons changed.
.
Behind me was the
Brilliant tomorrow I had
Closed my eyes against,
Fading in forgetfulness.
.
When I first stopped to rest
Shading my sun dazzled eyes,
Is seemed that summer would last,
As a burning white forever.
.
Struggling to understand,
I view my shivering hands,
Words blown by talking winds,
Tickle against my swollen ankles.
.
Fearfully I try to read
The noise, the dead leaves,
The world has moved over.
Just for a moment, I rest.
.
.
Bear … 05.27.2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint 2014
.
.
.
.
You’ve told me you are unwell
Of where it hurts and how you feel
Of your frustration that the cure is not
Instant awkward to keep heart beat steady
Fear no cure fear stress fear fatigue fear
Steadily growing older in ways that can be more seen
.
Oh poor baby give your pain to me I’ll take
This into myself trade heated pillows tea only your TV
To view I’ll do the research tedious long hours and
Only the boring chores you don’t want or heavy work I can
Not do I do you call me bossy taking over too slow lazy
Your tangled backwards way of saying thank you
.
But deep inside in my secret dark I wish times past
You had bothered to offer comfort instead of
Manly resentment of I the extra burden I the petty
Inconvenience your irritation manifest I wished you
To take on tasks benefitting not only yourself
When you were able hale and I destroyed still too late
.
Why could you not give when it cost was not much
It is good to remember all that you could do and did
My secret wish is remember also what you did not
Are you strong enough to shoulder the cost of
Being self aware that you still do not care I know
Love is not a matter of deserving or even earning
.
I do not want for you to suffer pain or slow decline
I do not want you to know first hand the hurtful sorrow
Of not cared for but I do oh please forgive me but I do want
You to know remorse and to become aware not from craven fear
But with love from a strong spirit attempting to undo past harm
.
Why must an old woman’s tears fall when the sun shines
.
.
Bear … 03.27.2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint
.
.
.
.
.
GETTING OLD IS TIME
CONSUMING.
,
,
Bear …. 01.20.2014
bearspawprint 