The Slow Embrace

Slowly embracing
Growing old
Close together
Lives merge
While dreaming
Roots tangle
In darkness
For memories
Not shared
Bear … 04.04.2015

The Slow Embrace ⓒBearspawprint2015  4.1.2015

The Slow Embrace ⓒBearspawprint2015 4.1.2015



The Gift Of Art

I was trying
To remember,
What do I like?
Do I have a favorite
Color which has
Not yet been seen?
Is there an unknown
Flavor that is
Especially pleasant?
Is there a beverage,
Untasted, which
Is my favorite?
What activities
Would I pursue
If I had my druthers?
I know that I dream
To live everywhere
That I have visited,
And I want to visit,
And live in,
The rest of this World.
It will require many
Lifetimes to live
That many possibilities.
I wanted to follow
All of the potentials.
But always the fateful
Coins told me:
Do not climb the
High mountain.
Do not cross the
Wide Ocean.
Be virtuous and
All will be well.
But I have climbed a few
High mountains, anyway.
And, I have even crossed
The Widest Ocean.
Everywhere I have been
Was the most beautiful
Place on Earth.
All of the people
Were the most
And kindest
People on Earth.
Except for a few, here
And there, el pimiento.
When I was very young,
In my fantasies,
I was a nomad artist,
Poet, novelist, musician,
Weaver, artisan,
And I danced with
The Moon, and the Stars,
And with Trees, and with
Rivers, and Waterfalls, and
In Oceans, and in Lakes,
And clear crystal Springs.
I danced all around
The Mountains, the Gorgeous
Dry Mountains, and Green Verdant Mountains,
And Snowy Sky Mountains,
And Rocky Mountains,
And I danced in Valleys, and
Homes, and Gardens, and Fields,
And all across the Earth,
And always I danced in
The Hearts of my Lovers.
And now,
As a much
Older Woman,
As Agawela,
I dream
The same.
I wish
To revisit
Where I have
Been already
Or live
Another life
This life
I have already
Lived. I wish
For more life.
How can there be
More life than life?
It is that
Fernweh again.
Away. Away.
I wish I were away.
And then away from
That place, too.
The Gift of Art,
Is that it is possible.
Bear …10.28.2014

Gettting Old Again

There is nothing there
Except more and more work
Their false remorse I must
Sooth away with platitudes of
False memory and forgiveness joy

I know sighted guide
I have the needed skills
To help the geriatric blind
I understand all too well
Helpless procrastination

I am able to debate and interpret
Their deep core faith though
I believe not piles of mealy mouth
Words while I hopelessly cook
Their food that I can not eat

Just for their pleasure
I can be the jolly punster
And soothingly joke as we
Struggle to get clean and clothed
And I do the laundry out of sight

But for me there is nothing
There except memory to avoid
And more work to do
And the hot house heat
Steaming the holes in my brain

Whether here or there
I am alone and my pain lives
Within me to travel along
Company to sooth my aloneness
My love is merely compassion
Bear …07.31.2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint 2014
Soon enough, my turn. With my bad attitude nobody will be able to tolerate me!!!

Grand Auntie Jane

I know the Black Dog
That lives skulking in corners
That defecates in her chairs
Smearing faith across windows
With despairing dirty fear
And I know the abrasive raw
Flesh clawing bleeding fighting nasty
Closing in frantic must scratch out
Of witchy old woman’s crumbling body
Screaming hysteric desires … Oh Dear God!!!!
Bear …07.31.2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint 2014



To escape this mess

Which replenishes

Itself expanding

In exponential

Doubling lives

That kill

I shall interrupt

And digress

And drink coffee

And swing my feet

While sitting on

The bulldozed porch

Of your memory house

Or in the ashes

Of my ancient

Burned Tangerine Tree

Or relaxing reposed

In the Aspen Grove

That hides

Quaking shimmering

Under side-walks

And grocery stores

I shall speak to you

Or no one and jabber

Adult nonsense

Hello I am fine as

I pretend not to weep

You will recognize me

By the smile in my eyes

As I sit trapped

On the floor entralled

By children

Drowning in laughter

I cannot rise

Above such moments

Which are

Eternity preserved

Bear … July 2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint 2014

Flow To the Ocean

Why do I not swim?
Have I grown too old,
Too heavily burdened
With memory,
Memories of dancing
In these life waters?
I have become as flotsam,
Swept along by the beauty,
Flowing with words
That I swallow, choking.
Music fills my ears
So that I cannot hear
Your anguished cries.
The work, too constant,
Too strenuous has dragged
Me under in whirlpools
Of despairing fatigue,
While even love no
Longer sustains me.
Helpless, I am part
Of the rushing river,
I flow to the Ocean.
Bear … 06.13,2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint 2014

For A Moment, I Rest

I paused for a moment
Just to catch my breath.
When I looked away,
The seasons changed.
Behind me was the
Brilliant tomorrow I had
Closed my eyes against,
Fading in forgetfulness.
When I first stopped to rest
Shading my sun dazzled eyes,
Is seemed that summer would last,
As a burning white forever.
Struggling to understand,
I view my shivering hands,
Words blown by talking winds,
Tickle against my swollen ankles.
Fearfully I try to read
The noise, the dead leaves,
The world has moved over.
Just for a moment, I rest.
Bear … 05.27.2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint 2014

When The Sun Shines

You’ve told me you are unwell
Of where it hurts and how you feel
Of your frustration that the cure is not
Instant awkward to keep heart beat steady
Fear no cure fear stress fear fatigue fear
Steadily growing older in ways that can be more seen
Oh poor baby give your pain to me I’ll take
This into myself trade heated pillows tea only your TV
To view I’ll do the research tedious long hours and
Only the boring chores you don’t want or heavy work I can
Not do I do you call me bossy taking over too slow lazy
Your tangled backwards way of saying thank you
But deep inside in my secret dark I wish times past
You had bothered to offer comfort instead of
Manly resentment of I the extra burden I the petty
Inconvenience your irritation manifest I wished you
To take on tasks benefitting not only yourself
When you were able hale and I destroyed still too late
Why could you not give when it cost was not much
It is good to remember all that you could do and did
My secret wish is remember also what you did not
Are you strong enough to shoulder the cost of
Being self aware that you still do not care I know
Love is not a matter of deserving or even earning
I do not want for you to suffer pain or slow decline
I do not want you to know first hand the hurtful sorrow
Of not cared for but I do oh please forgive me but I do want
You to know remorse and to become aware not from craven fear
But with love from a strong spirit attempting to undo past harm
Why must an old woman’s tears fall when the sun shines
Bear … 03.27.2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint