It Is Enough

.
.
In weary pain,
I wake from
No sleep.
.
My body
Weeping
Cold sweat,
Silent, through
Screaming pores.
.
Grey dawn mists
Slowly drift
Revealing only
More pain.
.
The night’s
Sleepless
Horrors
Are to be worn
Beneath my skin,
Wild with mad
Gyrating cilia.
.
In my little
Corner room,
Insulated
With books
I vainly try
To quit my
Groans and cries.
.
If I relax
This tension
Forcing movement,
I shall fall back
Into  the wailing
Maelstrom
Of agonies,
Which is the
Night I carry
As flesh.
.
There is no one
To hear,
But the dogs,
Always listening
With heart, hear me,
And whimper.
I force myself
Into quiet.
.
How can
My skin
Contain
The living thorns,
Burning nettles,
The hellish dance
Of damned
Wasps stinging,
Fiery welts
Visible only through
Demyelinated nerves?
.
How conceal
The crawling ants,
And fleas biting,
Biting everywhere,
The tiny piranhas
Chewing my legs,
My face, my arms,
And my broken back?
I am clothed
In shimmering
Veils of pain.
.
I brush pain
Through my hair,
Parting grief
And sorrow
To be a silvered
Plait of endurance.
Can this puny neck
Hold such a
Burdensome head?
.
Will my smile
Crack my aged
Screaming mask?
.
From what well may I
Replenish strength?
.
There is a child
Who needs to know
She is wonderfully made.
She needs to know
She is joy to my eyes.
.
It is love
That animates
My creaking body.
.
It is love that
Smoothes my
Frantic grimacing
Into gentle
Smiling serenity.
.
There is a small child
Waiting for
Her happy Granny,
A Granny
Always delighted
To see her.
With dancing eyes,
And sparkling joy,
That laughing,
Strong, cuddly
Granny, full of fun,
Is me,
.
It is love
That replenished
My strength.
It is love that
Puts the sparkle
In my eyes,
And is love
That allows
Me to laugh,
If only for
A little while.
It is enough
To know a small
Child’s smile.
.
.
Bear … 01.13.2015
ⓒBearspawprint2015
.
.
.

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15 comments on “It Is Enough

  1. 1EarthUnited says:

    Like the prose, hate the pain u’r in. I’ve researched hemp oil, rich in dha essential fatty acids… suppose to be a huge relief for chronic pain sufferers. Hope this helps you, there seems to be scientific and anecdotal studies backing this treatment:
    http://www.wakingtimes.com/2015/01/13/brain-needs-cannabinoids-dietary-hemp-answer/

    It actually tastes pretty good, i add it to cereal with coconut milk for breakfast. It’s easy to buy online or at the health food store, this may be a solution. Take care Bear. ♥

    Like

    • Thank you again, for your thoughtfulnes Magical Maddie. I am actually legally eligible for Medical Marijuana in Florida. But as the “active ingredient” has been reduced to avoid any pleasant side-effects, the side-effect of modified nervous system pain response is also reduced. I shall wait until a formula that is not devoid of THC is created…. er, I mean, marketed legally. God already created it. I shall plead fifth amendment to not discuss this… I don’t know when the statue of imitations runs out on such issues. When I decided to become pregnant I had to make significant life-style changes of a sort that are not visible to casual observers. Not only did I not take prescription meds or over the counter meds or holistic or other alternative meds I didn’t drink caffeinated beverages of ethanol or anything else naughty.

      And I am in much better shape than many of Word Press’ best and most inspiring writers. Most of the time I can walk, Much of the time I can type, some have to use voice recognition programs to write, at all. Most of the time I am able to drive, which is a blessing as there have been some terrible family emergencies this last year … not my own, though I had some small procedures, too, that required I not use impairment inducing anesthetics, cause I was driving myself. But WOW I could drive. Such freedom!! So many cannot. There have been times when I could not drive. It is quite isolating, when you live in the boonies.

      Anyway, I am able to describe pain is such a way that others can recognize that it’s real … Empathetic folk, anyway. But also, it allows me to understand what other people are experiencing with all sorts of disorders that I have been blessed to experience before having the blessing of remission (well for some stuff, some symptoms linger) that many do to have. To describe it all would take a book, so a blog post will have to do. I can use nice abbreviated short-cuts. I don’t have to follow any particular rules. Oooo there are some wonderful freedoms now that used to not be 🙂 Including Word Press. Thank you Word Press.

      Thank YOU for your thoughtful and educated suggestions. Real cannabis is definitely on the wish list 🙂 One day, some day, maybe soon. 🙂 In the meantime I shall sublimate into words and disassociate when able, and distract myself from myself with books and music and whatever else takes my fancy, including giving up and riding it like a monstrous wave … till the curl is gone…

      Like

      • 1EarthUnited says:

        Do they not dispense real cannabis buds like Boulder, CO shops? I’m sure it’s just a matter of time, cannabis is a wonder weed, it grows in the wild anywhere!
        In the meantime, did you read the article? It talks about dietary hemp seed, which is legal for consumption since it has no psychoactive effect. Yet very beneficial health attributes due to it’s rich anti-inflammatory oils – it’s great for pain relief. I suggest you try it, actually tastes nutty and “green” like pinecones. To your health Bear! ♥

        Like

  2. Geneviève says:

    “I brush the pain through my hair”, wow, that’s a powerful picture; one can feel it, …it cries out to the reader’s heart, reminding us all that …to be born is to suffer, as the Buddha so eloquently stated.

    Like

  3. Esther Ling says:

    So sorry. Love can’t heal you but it can soothe. Think of the moon, of a starry night. Let your mind fly to a desert island or a remote place. Your mind will forget the pain of the body.

    Liked by 1 person

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