When The Sun Shines

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You’ve told me you are unwell
Of where it hurts and how you feel
Of your frustration that the cure is not
Instant awkward to keep heart beat steady
Fear no cure fear stress fear fatigue fear
Steadily growing older in ways that can be more seen
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Oh poor baby give your pain to me I’ll take
This into myself trade heated pillows tea only your TV
To view I’ll do the research tedious long hours and
Only the boring chores you don’t want or heavy work I can
Not do I do you call me bossy taking over too slow lazy
Your tangled backwards way of saying thank you
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But deep inside in my secret dark I wish times past
You had bothered to offer comfort instead of
Manly resentment of I the extra burden I the petty
Inconvenience your irritation manifest I wished you
To take on tasks benefitting not only yourself
When you were able hale and I destroyed still too late
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Why could you not give when it cost was not much
It is good to remember all that you could do and did
My secret wish is remember also what you did not
Are you strong enough to shoulder the cost of
Being self aware that you still do not care I know
Love is not a matter of deserving or even earning
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I do not want for you to suffer pain or slow decline
I do not want you to know first hand the hurtful sorrow
Of not cared for but I do oh please forgive me but I do want
You to know remorse and to become aware not from craven fear
But with love from a strong spirit attempting to undo past harm
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Why must an old woman’s tears fall when the sun shines
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Bear … 03.27.2014
ⓒ Bearspawprint
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15 comments on “When The Sun Shines

  1. Deborah says:

    You express these thoughts so powerfully. The pain of not being understood is deep. It’s hard for resentment not to rear its ugly head sometimes. Wishing you some respite from such sadness.

    Like

    • The pen is a good respite :-). Hmmm. It come across as not being understood?

      Like

      • Deborah says:

        No, not misunderstood, bad word choice perhaps. I mean that sometimes other people are so busy with their own needs, that they never even notice that others have feelings and needs too, leading to the resentment. But I think sometimes it’s akin to feeling misunderstood, or at least not heard, or sadly, often ignored. That’s what I’ve experienced. Though sadly, I just today, found a trace of it in myself TOWARD myself. I’m working to nip that in the bud.

        Like

        • Aiii, I hope that your personal need is something that can be met without too much trauma. Something on the order of a dentist visit. 🙂 or new spectacles, not a complication with your knee or some organic on-going mystery.

          Thank you for taking time to reply. YOU are important beyond your load carrying capacity. XXX

          Like

  2. Nomzi Kumalo says:

    Beautiful and full of grief and hope Bear. We carry a lot as women. It is wonderful when we can let go of what is not ours to carry today and tomorrow. 🙂

    Like

  3. willowdot21 says:

    Such deep hurt and resentment and this happens so often. So sad Bear I wander why we always make the same mistakes. Sending you love . xxx

    Like

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